So who is to blame for all these bitchy, selfish, gold-digging princesses on POF? The answer may surprise you

Today's rant isn't about anyone specifically, or even just about POF, although this behavior is common. I just want to get something off my chest.

 

Lets face it, no matter what men do on any site-- POF, Meetme, any other dating site or just any social networking site, the expectation is that we are dashing princes with six-pack abs and a matching six figure income. The man is a rich, handsome, and selfless prince who sacrifices all to give the princess a "Happily Ever After" lifestyle.

 

I'm not being facetious. In fact, I am using this analogy intentionally. I believe that this princess mentality goes back to childhood. I know, how Freudian. Well, pull up your couch, because we are (briefly) exploring how our childhood has fostered this princess mentality.

 

It should be no surprise that there is something called the "[Disney] Princess Effect." (Some sources say "Disney Princess Effect and some sources don't add the word Disney.) Obviously, it is easy to invoke the penultimate rags-to-riches princess story, Cinderella. Who isn't familiar with the plot? Poor Cinderella and her "wicked stepsisters and stepmother" who work her to death; denied a chance to go to the ball to meet handsome prince by said wicked stepfamily (note no father or even an elaboration where the father is, at least in the Disney version); altruistic fairy Godmother provides Cinderella the means to go to the Ball (lets face it, good looks isn't enough, you have to pick the right outfit too, ladies. Those glass slippers and magical costume really stands out, you know); Cinderella wows the Prince, and the Prince ultimately saves Cinderella from her life of drudgery and they live happily ever after in the Prince's castle.

 

Princes Charles: In the Disney world, he'd be a better Dumbo than Prince

Lets face reality here-- there are not that many Princes in the world, and not all are dashing (Prince Charles, anyone?). Kate Middleton was no commoner (her parents run a successful mail-order business worth millions), nor was Princess Diana. Cinderella appeals to Americans in particular because of the "rags-to-riches" story that embodies another silly myth of our culture, "The American Dream." Not the wrestler, the myth that by simply working hard, you too can become your own rich Prince (forgetting the fact that the post-WW2 "Baby Boom" was the result of a global economic anomaly in which the US was the only country for a time who could supply the world's resources. It is easy to be #1 when the rest of the world was busy rebuilding from the war).  

 

Well, Dusty Rhodes is SHAPED like many Americans :)

But I digress. There are a number of people who cite this Disney Princess Effect as having a number of lasting and lifelong effects on girls.

 

Peggy Orenstein wrote a book titled "Cinderella Ate My Daughter" in 2011. It warns that "premature sexualization to the risk of depression to rising rates of narcissism, the potential negative impact of this new girlie-girl culture is undeniable." I think she focused a lot on the overt sexualization aspects (we see how many of the women who proclaim "Don't message me for sex" on POF love to pose in sexually suggestive ways), but I am more concerned with other psychological effects, such as the narcissism. The Internet does foster a lot of narcissism-- think selfies and Facebook profiles/ statuses "I just pooped today" or maybe a selfie while on the throne for dramatic effect. And it certainly shows in many POF profiles. I've certainly complained a lot about the demanding profiles on here already, so feel free to refer to earlier posts.

 

Combine all that with the these questions from another article on this effect --  But do any of these princess upgrades matter when the stories’ all-is-resolved “happily ever after” always includes marriage? In the more recent movies, Disney Princesses are more "empowered" than ones in the past (Rapunzel and Tiara), but Happily-ever-after still includes the "handsome rich Prince." It poses a good question relevant to online dating. Our current generation are more "empowered" than in times past. More women work and manage the household than in times past. And yet, there is still this obvious expectation that men will be rich, handsome, and generous.

 

Another observation from the CSMonitor:

 

"Mary Finucane started noticing changes in the way her 3-year-old daughter played. The toddler had stopped running and jumping, and insisted on wearing only dresses. She sat on the front step quietly – waiting, she said, for her prince. She seemed less imaginative, less spunky, less interested in the world.... She decided to research the princess phenomenon, and what she found worried her. She came to believe that the $4 billion Disney Princess empire was the first step down a path to scarier challenges, from self-objectification to cyberbullying to unhealthy body images. Finucane, who has a background in play therapy, started a blog – "Disney Princess Recovery: Bringing Sexy Back for a Full Refund" – to chronicle her efforts to break the grip of Cinderella, Belle, Ariel, et al. on her household."

 

So there is a fair amount of discussion on this topic. However, the focus is on body image more than other psychological issues, such as being an online dating disaster. Why the big focus on body image? All a woman has to do is show a little skin and no matter what she looks like a fair amount of men will say that is hot and they want her. Even the Disney Princesses glam up with dresses, sashes, and makeup, even if the birds and forest creatures don't sing jaunty tunes for you while doing it. So what's the problem?

 

Of course, Disney merely provides a means of entertainment. Hell, they didn't even create Cinderella; Cinderella has been a fairy tale since at least the 1600s, if not sooner. The REAL problem is.... US! Regular, average people. Well, those of us who are parents, that is. You see, most of us raise our little girls TO BE princesses. Ironically, men are even worse about it. Daddy's little princess.

 

Think about that for a moment. Who is the most influential person in a child's life, and who sets up the stage for a person's entire life? Who is the person that decides fist and foremost what a child can or can't have? A Parent, that's who. And when a parent teaches a girl that she is a Princess, well, Disney can illustrate princess behavior to a point. The stereotype of the overprotective father isn't far from reality (The recent story of the Texas man shooting her teen daughter's boyfriend in her bed is a recent extreme example of this protective nature). How many of us are teaching our daughters not to "settle," and what do we teach when we say that? What is "settling," for that matter?

 

Lets face one more reality here. If you live in a rural community, you married young, maybe even before you went off to college. Many more of us marry during those early college years or right after college. This weeds out many would be suitors. So by the time you are pushing the big 3-0, you are starting to weed through the rest as a granny might sift through the Manager's Specials basket at a grocery store, trying to find something among the slightly dinged cans of soup and the slightly torn boxes of spaghetti and the stuff that expires in a day or two. And yet, here you are looking for the perfect deal out of what is left, demanding perfection while sifting and sifting. Then, the women lament they can't find a "good man."

 

There are plenty of "good men," ladies, but we aren't all "Princes." We're not all rich and handsome (I assure you, rich, handsome people don't use POF to get laid). We are "average Joes." Some work hard but make diddly-squat after taxes. Some of us are a little chunky (after all, "healthy" food isn't cheap. The economy sucks ass. Cars are expensive and, if you live in an urban area, unnecessary to get around. This is 2014, not the 1300s. Go out and get a J-O-B and get your own place and car if that's what you want. After all, wasn't that what the latest Disney Princess did?

 

And guys, if you have little girls, don't raise them to be selfish, spoiled princesses. You are part of the problem. So, be part of the solution. Be a man and fix this problem. Stop being a passive-aggressive dick to the next generation.

 

 

If any POF guys out there have a castration fetish, have I got the woman for you!

Hey guys, who among you would date a woman with a headline that sounds like it was written by Lorena Bobbitt? I think it is ironic, given her religion is "Baptist" and her profession is "caregiver." I know the Bible speaks of Eunuchs and it is better to cut off a hand than to sin and all, but I think I will pass on this one. I prefer to keep my penis attached to my body.

This is a good time to bring back a blast from the past...

POF's new "Ambition" category and the Psychopath

I haven't been on POF in a couple of months, because like most superheroes, I have a fucking day job. And this is my busy time of the year. You want to know what I do? I deal with psychopaths. Not, not murderers, rapists, and assorted career criminals, but the real scourge of society, politicians. This time of the year when legislatures around the country get together to find new ways to legally sodomize those of us stupid enough to elect them into office.

But thankfully I have a break from the monotony of drudging through mountains of legal jargon so I thought I would rail on my other favorite group of psychopaths, the POF daters. So now, POF has added yet another tidbit of info to our already self-flagellating profiles, the "Ambition" category.

As if there wasn't enough for us to feel miserable about, especially those of us judged for not having six-pack abs and six figure incomes. Now you have to tell the world you are either a lazy, slothful bastard or a backstabbing, step-on-toes, conniving psychopath. This is even more damning than trying to find that balance between "I just want a fuck buddy" and "our second date is a wedding chapel in Gatlinburg." Fuck.

So pick your poison. All sound shitty to me.

NOT AMBITIOUS: You live in your mom's house playing World of Warcraft or jerk off to various fetish "pr0n" (anyone still use 2000 era internet slang?). You probably weigh as much as the house you live in.

SOMEWHAT AMBITIOUS: You probably still live with your mom but you have a dead end job and maybe have a paid subscription to a couple of pr0n sites. But at least you may meet the base minimum requirements of having a "house, car and J-O-B" if you are smart enough to explain it properly.

AMBITIOUS: You are a self-serving prick who treats people like chattel and you don't mind stabbing people in the back to selling off your child to get what you really want in life.

VERY AMBITIOUS: The ultimate prick. Unlike the regular ambitious person, you have likely backstabbed someone with an actual knife. You probably mutilated defenseless animals and set fires at some point in your life, but decided your sadism is a better match for the sycophants of Corporate America, who take your abuse and come back for more, and that psychological torture is far more satisfying than flat out killing people.

If you think I'm full of shit, consider the fact that psychopaths thrive in Corporate America. Bad bosses are likely to be psychopaths. This, of course, extends to the dating scene. The thing that really annoys me is how many "ambitious" women still demand a man be willing to take care of them financially instead of making their own money (or, to use the basic term, a "gold digger"). How about this, ladies. YOU go get a house, a car, and a J-O-B.

The good news is now, I can pick women with little to no ambition, so I can avoid the psychopaths out there. But then again, psychopaths and clever and manipulative. Well fuck.