The grass ain't greener on the other side

I know I haven't been around lately. Well, I haven't been on POF in a long time and it is hard to be the Angry POF guy when I'm not going to POF any more. I've been 4 months POF-free. I should get some kind of certificate or token like AA. (I did briefly look in but I saw nothing worth bitching about, just the usual tired faces and golddiggers still hoping for a sugar daddy.)

Someone suggested other sites, like MeetMe or Fetlife. Someone guaranteed I'd "get laid" at Fetlife. This person must have underestimated the area of the country I live in; Cincinnati is a shitty town for dating, as finding a mate is apparently difficult enough to make headlines. Hell, Daily Beast gives Cincy a C rating for the singles here, and I think that's being generous.

Well, I did try out a couple of other places. As it turns out, these other places suck as much ass as POF. Maybe it is just online dating in general that sucks or maybe just because I live in the 'Nasty Nati." Whatever the case, it gives me something to rant about.

MEETME

I made an account and make a couple of quick friends. However, the dating scene there is just as flaky. I met this one woman on MeetMe, a slightly heavyset gal (I'm a chubby chaser, folks so I'm not complaining) who described herself as "sweet but somewhat opinionated." Sweet like Saccharin, perhaps? We get to talking and she's the one who suggests we meet. We exchange numbers but she never commits to an actual meet and never calls. She stuck with random texts for a while. Finally we set up a day to meet, and I get stood up. After she pulled this stunt a second time, I finally asked her why we bother talking at all. She responds she already removed my phone number from her phone (yet is still magically able to send a few annoying texts afterword). Then, she goes back on MeetMe and laments how no man appreciates her and how hard it is to find a good man, and all men are jerks, etc. MeetMe/ more like Mute Me, which is what I had to do with her.

FETLIFE

I think the people of Fetlife are all talk no action, at least going by the gal I met there. I talked with one, and once again I got the same can't hold a conversation routine I see at POF. Second gal who contacts me chats with me, and we exchange numbers. We chat for a month (I took a cross country trip so I was gone for nearly a all month) until finally we meet.

She invites me to her place, and we watch a movie together, we get a little hot and heavy but just as things seem to be going well, she says she's not really feeling that well so asked me to leave, and I never heard from her again. What a fucking tease!

VERDICT: Both sites suck ass. It is the same tired bullshit from POF. Lets face it-- online dating in general is complete bullshit. You want to meet someone? Try USA Sex Guide or Naughty Reviews, because escorts are cheaper in the long run, and at least you can read the reviews to see which ones are legit. Fuck online dating and if you are offended by this, fuck you too.

Soooo.... has anyone ever had this happen to them?

I have been gone for a few months and I haven't checked my POF profile since the last time I posted, but after someone emailed me about this shitblog the other day, I decided to go take a look. It is almost like leaving home on vacation just to see the same place upon return, only with a little more dust. In fact, I don't think some people have changed their profile since that first day she signed up. There is one local profile, for example, who has proclaimed she is "new to the area" since I first saw her profile three years ago. How much Skyline Chili do you eat before you stop claiming you are new to the nasty 'Nati?

Going back to POF is like watching Family Guy reruns. It isn't as funny after seeing it a few times, but I might have it on just because there's nothing better to watch and it is still entertaining.

The other day, I'm out in public and I see a woman that I think I recognize. I walk up and say hi, don't I know her from somewhere, she looks at me funny, as if I'm a homeless dude trying to get some beer money, and says no. Then it dawned on me, I don't know this lady, I have just seen her profile on POF. It was a minor embarrassment. I wish the story was more exciting (no she wasn't my type).

So has this happened to any of my readers? If so, how did you handle it?

Miss High Maintenance is back! Part 2

About 10 months ago I ranted about a local POF'er I like to call "Miss High Maintenance." I am sure there are worse things to call her but I'm too lazy to come up with a better one.

At any rate, it seems that after almost a full year, Miss High Maintenance STILL hasn't found her rich knight in diamond-and-platinum armor. I know, shocking, right? Well, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again, and this time be even MORE insulting to men than the first time around. Have at it, fellas:

You know you want her, but if you aren't rich, tall, and tattooed, then you're shit out of luck.

Another reason why POF is unsuccessful

When I decided to rant about my POF experiences (or, more accurately, my LACK of experiences), I just did it because I was frustrated at reading the endless profiles of all caps rants about how men are pigs and we need to pass a background check, polygraph, penile plethysmograph, and credit check before a woman would even dream of dating someone from POF. Hell, this blog is a little bit of therapy for me. But in the past year, I've given some serious thought about WHY the POF experience sucks so much ass, for men and women both. I have written some thoughts on this blog already, but now I want to add another theory on this.

I was reading an article today entitled, "Fallout from Campus Sexual Assault Hysteria: College Men now Suspicious of Women," in the Washington Examiner.

Thanks to an increased focus on sexual assaults on college campuses – mostly due to an overblown statistic claiming 20 percent of college women have been sexually assaulted – young college men are starting to rethink how they talk to women.

At first glance that might seem like a good thing – men learning to be more respectful of women and not be so rapey – but that’s not what this is.

This is about men actually avoiding contact with women because they’re afraid a simple kiss or date could lead to a sexual assault accusation.

Bloomberg reporters John Lauerman and Jennifer Surane interviewed multiple men from colleges like Harvard and Stanford who expressed concern over what was once known as a "hook-up culture" but is now labeled by feminists as "rape culture." The change in terminology ensures that all responsibility is placed on men, just because of their gender.

Take Malik Gill of Harvard University, who said he wouldn’t even give a female classmate a beer.

“I don’t want to look like a predator,” Gill told Bloomberg. “It’s a little bit of a blurred line.”

Gone are the days of buying a woman a drink – even if it’s just to be nice.

Yes, men are becoming more reluctant to date women. I doubt this is limited to college campuses. Think about some of the schmucks I discussed on this very blog, like the woman who stated all prospective dates would be subjected to a background check before a first date:

Honestly, aside from some guy with a really bad past who may see this as a challenge in need of accepting, would anyone want this kind of hassle?  Would any of my readers date someone who put this on her profile?

If you Google online dating nightmares, there is no shortage of sites telling online dating nightmare stories. Looks like I'm just another fish in that sea. But I didn't make this blog to be the next internet sensation.

Yes, I do fear the thought of dating the wrong woman at times. After all, there are stories of men locked up over false allegations, and in a he-said-she-said in a case with no other evidence, there are enough stories where she-said wins to keep that fear burned into my brain as a lingering thought. If anything, reports like this one make those like me somewhat reluctant to participate in the online dating phenomenon. It seems to me what is happening on campus is spreading.

I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts on this topic.

Great, now trying to meet POF gals in Flori-DUHHH can land you on the sex offender registry. No joke!

Of all the POF-related things I have written about in the past year, this has to be the dumbest story yet. This may be even dumber than background-check lady. Here it goes:

http://www.wtsp.com/story/news/investigations/2014/08/07/law-enforcement-crosses-lines-on-sex-stings-entrapment/13734121/

While detectives used to post ads suggesting an underage teen or child was available for sex, they now routinely post more innocuous personal ads of adults on traditional dating sites. When men – many of them under 25 with no criminal history - respond, officers switch the bait and typically indicate their age is really 14 or 15 years old. However, sometimes the storyline isn't switched until the men, who were looking for legal love, already start falling for the undercover agent.

According to arrest affidavits inspected by 10 Investigates, law enforcement is also now routinely making first contact with men who have done nothing wrong, responding to their ads on dating sites like PlentyOfFish.com. After men start conversing with what they think are adults, officers change the age they claim to be, but try to convince the men to continue the conversation anyway.

Other examples include undercover officers showing interest in a man, then later introducing the idea of having sex with the undercover's "child." If the men indicate they weren't interested, they were still often arrested for just talking to the adult.

Let that thought sink in for a moment. Imagine you are in central Florida trying to meet a gal. You start talking to a cute 26-year-old woman. She sends you a picture of her with a wedding ring on for good measure. But then she claims she's really 13. What do you do? Well, apparently it does not matter because you are now suspected of being a sex offender in Central Florida.

However, it's easier to make the case for the men who were swept up in the stings when they were looking online for adults.

"(My son) was stalked by law enforcement for three days," said the mother of a 22-year-old arrested in one of the stings. 10 Investigates is protecting the identity of her family.

The son was on Craiglist's personals pages, looking to meet other adults. He responded to a "no strings attached" ad for a 26-year-old woman. He says her story changed a few times, including the claim she was only 13, but he was skeptical.

He spoke on the phone to the undercover and she sent a photo, in which she was wearing a wedding ring. He said he was sure she was an adult (she was), so he made plans to meet her. When he arrived, he was arrested. He was later sentenced to two years of house arrest and a lifetime as a registered sex offender.

"He had a life of promise; he had an education," his mother said. "That's all been shot."

She says her son is paying the price of opportunistic lawmen.

Let me point a little thing out here-- a lot of us like a little fantasy every now and then, and some people like role-play, even age related role-play.

"Hey baby I'm 26... no, I'm 13. Really."

"Yes that's a wedding ring but that's because 13 year olds marry in Florida all the time."

"I know my profile hays 26. I'm a twin. Two 13 year olds make 26. Yeah, that's it.
Come on over, bring some Mike's Hard Lemonade."

There is a reason why people make fun of Florida, or, as many people call it, FloriDUH. Fark.com has a tag just for Florida news, for good reason. If you live in Central Florida, especially in Polk County, you may not want to even attempt to use POF.

"My name is Grady Judd, and I'm a total dud,
Don't try to date in my home state,
Just nip it in the bud."

Hey ladies, POF is NOT Meet-a-millionaire.com

I have ranted on this subject before but nothing makes a man feel more inadequate than being judged by the size of the bulge in your pants. But no, I'm not referring to dick sizes; I'm referring to your wallet size.

POF profiles have many euphemisms for money-- "stable," "secure," or the always condescending, "you must have your own house, car, and J-O-B." Oh and by J-O-B they don't mean meat flipper at Mickey D's, they want the CEO of Goldman-Sachs.

You want to know my least favorite college course? Economics. The Wall Street Journal cures my insomnia. The stock market is duller than the World Cup (and now that Team USA blew a game to that country known for waffles and chocolate, we can stop pretending to give a flying fuck about the World Cup. Our MVP of the same was the goalie because he had to block more volleys than the Patriot missiles of Desert Storm. But I digress).

Like many Americans, I'm struggling to make ends meet. I'm not a CEO; I've stated my occupation on this blog on an occasion or two, but it isn't enough to waste on the stock market, a 401k, or the like. But I don't believe that I'm in the minority in regards to being underemployed. How many people have a career? Well, the answer isn't that easy. You see, the "official" unemployment rate, currently about 7% or so on average, is pretty much a lowball figure. This rate is called the "Headline unemployment rate," which means the number of working age adults who are looking for work. It does not count underemployed or those who quit looking for work because there aren't very many jobs.

At any rate, how many Americans are employed full time? Well, according to Gallup, that company known for doing polls, the rate of full-time employed members of American society (what they call the "payroll-to-population ratio") is 44.7%. The number of people both willing and able to work is about 63% of the adult working age population. Gallup uses a different metric to track unemployment, using the numbered of actual unemployed plus the number of underemployed people as well as people in part-time jobs looking for full-time employment. That number is about 17%.

If you care, read this article: http://wallstcheatsheet.com/stocks/how-many-americans-actually-have-full-time-work.html/?a=viewall

What all this really means is many of us don't have full-time employment. Some of us are underemployed or even unemployed and looking for work. Some of us work but because we work a "tipped" job or are disabled, we are paid less than the federal minimum wage. Some of us are on disability. Going by the numbers, barely 9 of every 20 people you meet are chronically employed.

And yet, you still see the buzzwords from women online. And they wonder why they're still single? Like I said before, ladies, if money is such a big deal to you, go out and get your own damned J-O-B and buy your own damned stuff. Chronically under- or unemployed is the norm. If you want a millionaire, then you are at the wrong site.

Groundhog Day

Does anyone remember the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day? It was a great movie. If you haven't seen it, then the plot is simple-- a man wakes up every day to the exact same day over and over again until he does everything right and he finally escapes the time loop.

I discovered POF back in 2010, so I have been going to that site off and one for an entire Presidential term. I have been coming to this blog to post random rants about POF for about a year now to blow off steam at my online frustrations. Like many of you, I start a new profile, keep it up a while, leave in frustration, and return after a few weeks or months and try again. I see mostly the same faces when I return. Every day, we sift through the same pretentious profiles full of "sweet" and "lovable" women who want men who are "secure" (READ: Rich), "generous" (READ: Who will support them financially) and someone not looking for a one night stand (of course, they hope to never have to put out at all, unless you have a lot of money, and even then, it is just enough to get you hooked, then they stop once they get a wedding ring).

Stupidity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result each time. I must be a fucking idiot. Y'all must be, too.

Yes, I went back to POF about a month ago and got rejected like the Miami Heat did in this year's NBA Finals (so much for those 7 rings, LeBron). What do I see? The same tired fucking people.

Profile #1 reads she is "New to Miami" (Not Miami FloriDUH, I mean that other Miami. In Ohio. Yes, there is a Miami in Ohio.) She is cute, although she looks like Snooki from Jersey Shore. I'm sure she's an OK gal in real life. But her profile is just the same as I saw it TWO years ago! How long is one "new" to anywhere?

Profile #2's tag line is "Amuse me." I honestly think this is what most women are there for. They want us to play the "jester" role. I spoke with this gal before and, without getting into too many details, she was in a bad relationship so she was just there to disappoint potential suitors. Well, after leaving POF for half a year and returning, she's still there, so apparently she has gotten addicted to disappointing men.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I see I am not the only one frustrated with POF. Check out these other articles I found:

http://www.thedatinggurus.com/review-of-plentyoffish-com-dating-service/

http://skyespitfire.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/the-truth-about-plenty-of-fish/

How many women on POF have these tendencies?

Elliot Rodger's Manifesto and prostitition

"Humanity… All of my suffering on this world has been at the hands of humanity, particularly women.
It has made me realize just how brutal and twisted humanity is as a species. All I ever wanted was to fit
in and live a happy life amongst humanity, but I was cast out and rejected, forced to endure an existence
of loneliness and insignificance, all because the females of the human species were incapable of seeing
the value in me." -- Elliot Rodger

I almost have to wonder if that guy who went crazy after being rejected so much and went on a killing spree ever tried POF. If you care to read his 100+ plus page manifesto, you can read it here:

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/05/25/us/shooting-document.html

We should be thankful so few of us feel rejection is painful enough to take up arms and hurt others. Rejection hurts. Who HASN'T felt the pain of rejection at some point in our lives? (If you haven't, you're either dead, psychopathic, or both). I have felt it too. However, I just come to my blog and piss and moan, then I go back to the real world and go on with my life. Hell, I don't even bother coming here until I experience a POF disaster.

So today, I reactivated my account and in like 5 minutes, I had a bite. I wrote a cute, funny profile. She sent a message about being "intrigued" but I had no pic. So I sent one. And she blocked me. Reeeeee-JECTED! either I take shitty selfies or I guess she didn't find me all that. No matter, she was 100 miles away. (I see POF still hasn't fixed the site to note that "local" does not mean every metropolitan area in 3 states, but I digress.)

So what did I do? I came here. This manifesto is sad, really. We put so much emphasis on the need to be in a relationship, or, more specifically, to be sexual. It is fine for you ladies to be virgins, but men are pressured to be sexual. Still, there are many things you can do besides shoot people just because some woman won't fuck you.

There's always USA Sex Guide. You can find lots of lonely single ladies and for only $50-$300 per hour, you can go on a date you know will end in sex. Think about it. ALL dating is prostitution. You pay for dinner and a movie, maybe flowers and jewelry and gas and trips and food and cards and other stupid trinkets, and then she leads you on and on and on. Damn, if all you want is sex, why pay for the wine-and-dine when you can dine at the Y? And best of all, no rejection? These chicks bang ugly old dudes who need to OD on Viagra to get it on, so they'll fuck you too.
If only Elliot had bought a "working woman" instead of a gun, we'd have a few less senseless killings. I say legalize prostitution!

Later, y'all.

So who is to blame for all these bitchy, selfish, gold-digging princesses on POF? The answer may surprise you

Today's rant isn't about anyone specifically, or even just about POF, although this behavior is common. I just want to get something off my chest.

 

Lets face it, no matter what men do on any site-- POF, Meetme, any other dating site or just any social networking site, the expectation is that we are dashing princes with six-pack abs and a matching six figure income. The man is a rich, handsome, and selfless prince who sacrifices all to give the princess a "Happily Ever After" lifestyle.

 

I'm not being facetious. In fact, I am using this analogy intentionally. I believe that this princess mentality goes back to childhood. I know, how Freudian. Well, pull up your couch, because we are (briefly) exploring how our childhood has fostered this princess mentality.

 

It should be no surprise that there is something called the "[Disney] Princess Effect." (Some sources say "Disney Princess Effect and some sources don't add the word Disney.) Obviously, it is easy to invoke the penultimate rags-to-riches princess story, Cinderella. Who isn't familiar with the plot? Poor Cinderella and her "wicked stepsisters and stepmother" who work her to death; denied a chance to go to the ball to meet handsome prince by said wicked stepfamily (note no father or even an elaboration where the father is, at least in the Disney version); altruistic fairy Godmother provides Cinderella the means to go to the Ball (lets face it, good looks isn't enough, you have to pick the right outfit too, ladies. Those glass slippers and magical costume really stands out, you know); Cinderella wows the Prince, and the Prince ultimately saves Cinderella from her life of drudgery and they live happily ever after in the Prince's castle.

 

Princes Charles: In the Disney world, he'd be a better Dumbo than Prince

Lets face reality here-- there are not that many Princes in the world, and not all are dashing (Prince Charles, anyone?). Kate Middleton was no commoner (her parents run a successful mail-order business worth millions), nor was Princess Diana. Cinderella appeals to Americans in particular because of the "rags-to-riches" story that embodies another silly myth of our culture, "The American Dream." Not the wrestler, the myth that by simply working hard, you too can become your own rich Prince (forgetting the fact that the post-WW2 "Baby Boom" was the result of a global economic anomaly in which the US was the only country for a time who could supply the world's resources. It is easy to be #1 when the rest of the world was busy rebuilding from the war).  

 

Well, Dusty Rhodes is SHAPED like many Americans :)

But I digress. There are a number of people who cite this Disney Princess Effect as having a number of lasting and lifelong effects on girls.

 

Peggy Orenstein wrote a book titled "Cinderella Ate My Daughter" in 2011. It warns that "premature sexualization to the risk of depression to rising rates of narcissism, the potential negative impact of this new girlie-girl culture is undeniable." I think she focused a lot on the overt sexualization aspects (we see how many of the women who proclaim "Don't message me for sex" on POF love to pose in sexually suggestive ways), but I am more concerned with other psychological effects, such as the narcissism. The Internet does foster a lot of narcissism-- think selfies and Facebook profiles/ statuses "I just pooped today" or maybe a selfie while on the throne for dramatic effect. And it certainly shows in many POF profiles. I've certainly complained a lot about the demanding profiles on here already, so feel free to refer to earlier posts.

 

Combine all that with the these questions from another article on this effect --  But do any of these princess upgrades matter when the stories’ all-is-resolved “happily ever after” always includes marriage? In the more recent movies, Disney Princesses are more "empowered" than ones in the past (Rapunzel and Tiara), but Happily-ever-after still includes the "handsome rich Prince." It poses a good question relevant to online dating. Our current generation are more "empowered" than in times past. More women work and manage the household than in times past. And yet, there is still this obvious expectation that men will be rich, handsome, and generous.

 

Another observation from the CSMonitor:

 

"Mary Finucane started noticing changes in the way her 3-year-old daughter played. The toddler had stopped running and jumping, and insisted on wearing only dresses. She sat on the front step quietly – waiting, she said, for her prince. She seemed less imaginative, less spunky, less interested in the world.... She decided to research the princess phenomenon, and what she found worried her. She came to believe that the $4 billion Disney Princess empire was the first step down a path to scarier challenges, from self-objectification to cyberbullying to unhealthy body images. Finucane, who has a background in play therapy, started a blog – "Disney Princess Recovery: Bringing Sexy Back for a Full Refund" – to chronicle her efforts to break the grip of Cinderella, Belle, Ariel, et al. on her household."

 

So there is a fair amount of discussion on this topic. However, the focus is on body image more than other psychological issues, such as being an online dating disaster. Why the big focus on body image? All a woman has to do is show a little skin and no matter what she looks like a fair amount of men will say that is hot and they want her. Even the Disney Princesses glam up with dresses, sashes, and makeup, even if the birds and forest creatures don't sing jaunty tunes for you while doing it. So what's the problem?

 

Of course, Disney merely provides a means of entertainment. Hell, they didn't even create Cinderella; Cinderella has been a fairy tale since at least the 1600s, if not sooner. The REAL problem is.... US! Regular, average people. Well, those of us who are parents, that is. You see, most of us raise our little girls TO BE princesses. Ironically, men are even worse about it. Daddy's little princess.

 

Think about that for a moment. Who is the most influential person in a child's life, and who sets up the stage for a person's entire life? Who is the person that decides fist and foremost what a child can or can't have? A Parent, that's who. And when a parent teaches a girl that she is a Princess, well, Disney can illustrate princess behavior to a point. The stereotype of the overprotective father isn't far from reality (The recent story of the Texas man shooting her teen daughter's boyfriend in her bed is a recent extreme example of this protective nature). How many of us are teaching our daughters not to "settle," and what do we teach when we say that? What is "settling," for that matter?

 

Lets face one more reality here. If you live in a rural community, you married young, maybe even before you went off to college. Many more of us marry during those early college years or right after college. This weeds out many would be suitors. So by the time you are pushing the big 3-0, you are starting to weed through the rest as a granny might sift through the Manager's Specials basket at a grocery store, trying to find something among the slightly dinged cans of soup and the slightly torn boxes of spaghetti and the stuff that expires in a day or two. And yet, here you are looking for the perfect deal out of what is left, demanding perfection while sifting and sifting. Then, the women lament they can't find a "good man."

 

There are plenty of "good men," ladies, but we aren't all "Princes." We're not all rich and handsome (I assure you, rich, handsome people don't use POF to get laid). We are "average Joes." Some work hard but make diddly-squat after taxes. Some of us are a little chunky (after all, "healthy" food isn't cheap. The economy sucks ass. Cars are expensive and, if you live in an urban area, unnecessary to get around. This is 2014, not the 1300s. Go out and get a J-O-B and get your own place and car if that's what you want. After all, wasn't that what the latest Disney Princess did?

 

And guys, if you have little girls, don't raise them to be selfish, spoiled princesses. You are part of the problem. So, be part of the solution. Be a man and fix this problem. Stop being a passive-aggressive dick to the next generation.

 

 

If any POF guys out there have a castration fetish, have I got the woman for you!

Hey guys, who among you would date a woman with a headline that sounds like it was written by Lorena Bobbitt? I think it is ironic, given her religion is "Baptist" and her profession is "caregiver." I know the Bible speaks of Eunuchs and it is better to cut off a hand than to sin and all, but I think I will pass on this one. I prefer to keep my penis attached to my body.

This is a good time to bring back a blast from the past...