Markus tries to stuff the pirhanas back in the proverbial Pandora's Box.

Hello, my fellow POF masochists! No doubt you got one of these messages in your inbox. This damned cockblocker has officially killed my Cougar fantasy so I was so pissed I deleted my real profile. Anyways, there have been a few noticeable changes to POF over the years, most notably the loss of a few features that were once free. Simple little things like if a person read a message you sent. Seems the only one fishing is Markus! These changes are more dramatic than he realized. So my rant for tonight is limited to this message.

#1: The sexual message ban: As a strict legalist, I demand a full explanation of this. I am a man, so I almost see this as a challenge to see how far the envelope can be pushed.

Men (and my ex-wife) have a propensity to turn any act of inserting one object into another object into a sexual reference.

"I'll stuff my fortune in your cookie."

My ex made that one up and got so tickled she pissed her pants and soaked the couch. It is no wonder she told me I can keep that couch after we broke up. But I digress.

#2: the 15-year age rule: Markus believes that the only purpose for any two people of such an age difference is to hook up. I happen to prefer dating women as much as 20 years my senior. That is my preference. I'm also in my mid-30s. Am I at risk to be victimized by a geriatric sexual predator?

Racquel Welch, age 70. *slurp*

Personally, if by small chance Susan Sarandon, Ann-Margaret, Marie Osmond, Sophia Loren, Bernadette Peters, or even Kirstie Alley stumbled upon POF, I hate the thought of missing that opportunity to date one of them just because a few 18-year-olds complained of getting flirts from some old codgers. This is the internet, after all. It gives men testicles of steel, and women, well, whatever you want to call the female equivalent of balls. Ovaries of steel?!?

#3: No more Intimate Encounters: Well, y'all, it looks like POF is going to wither away and die. It was fun while it lasted. I think contributing this to the cell phone app it a bit of a stretch.  One of my readers has actually suggested I sign up as a hot chick just for kicks, so Markus may be right on this one. (As an aside, there needs to be a category for those of "other" gender identifications such as transsexual).

That being said, it seems a feel-good measure. We can all read between the lines. "No commitment" and "wants to date but nothing serious" = "hookup." It wouldn't be Plenty of FISH if there weren't any HOOK-ups (love those fish puns). But then it goes from that straight into the "relationship." Isn't this as unreasonable as expecting sex on the first date. I'm just as creeped-out by a woman planning a wedding on a first date? (And yes, I have had a few like that.)

Markus has opened Pandora's Box and now wishes to stuff the demons back in the box. Good luck with that.