My new official Angry POF Guy profile. Not as detailed as the last, but maybe this one won't be eliminated by the POF profile Nazis.
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=32130360
"I am a baggage toting drama king who is
only going to date you to get back at the ex. Therefore you must be
hotter than hell, or at least hotter than my ex. Being thin, blonde, and
bouncy gets top billing.
If you want to get into my pants, you
must have your own place-- not living in your momma's basement. You must
have a car, and the nicer the better, so no Mickey D's wrappers and
baby goo on the floor and seats. And it is imperative you have a J-O-B
(Don't you love it when I am so condescending I feel the need to spell
it letter by letter?); and not just a job, but a "career." if you want
"bling," work for it, and if you think that sex is a fair trade for
financial secutiry, you want the escort site, not POF.
I don't
have a car so the burden falls upon you to drive me around. See my
requirements above. I guess since I don't have a car this means I'm a
fat lazy slob as opposed to being down on my luck because some beeyotch
took me for a ride and cleaned out my account or my company downsized,
which brings me to point number two, I don't have a job either. I don't
need one because I think I look hot and if i show a little cleavage and
flash a winning smile, I don't need to have either while expecting a
member of the opposite sex to have one of their own.
Ladies, for
the love of God, please stop messaging me for sex. I prefer the frigid
and callous women who won't put out and love to play silly head games at
POF. That's my kind of woman. Ooh, and it turns me on even more when
you ladies lie about what you want. And I am more turned on when you
take selfies of your bosoms and legs while demanding I don't drool like
Homer Simpson staring at a stake.
Know what else I love? Women that refer to their pets as "fur babies" and pamper them like children. If you talk about your pets as if you gave birth to them, I can't help but to question your sexuality. You do realize bestiality is still a crime in most states, except maybe Kentucky.
Even more so, I love those of you who are so unimaginative you feel the need to use tired clichéd movie and song titled. I love sifting through the hundreds of "Must Love Dogs," "There's something 'bout a truck," and "Sleepless in _____" headlines, they are just so catchy and stand out among the thousands of other unimaginative women who do this who also select "hopeless romantic" as their personality. Hopeless? Try helpless.
So if you are as fake and as
demanding as I am, HMU. If you don't know what that means, then introduc
yourself to a search engine. God helps those who helps themselves."
Showing posts with label Angry POF Guy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Angry POF Guy. Show all posts
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Like extracting teeth...
Just when I thought of promoting this blog, life happened. I had a huge project come up, and I met
someone. That latter part means I haven't needed to waste my time strutting like a peacock on POF. Instead, I donned a chicken hat for Oktoberfest.
The thought of even returning to POF is like extracting teeth. And yet, how many of us not only return to POF but feel the need to proclaim that fact as if it is some kind of mark of infamy. Has the US Government started handing out medals of honor for our failures on an online dating site? They must be, or people wouldn't brag about it so much. yeah, I've done three tours of duty at POF, been shot in the heart and was a POW (of love) for X years before escaping.
It should be a prerequisite for those returning to POF to explain exactly how they ended up on POF, especially if they found love and then lost it. At least going to POF would be more entertaining. I really have no POF stories of note-- I quit out of annoyance. Thrice. (Who says thrice anymore? Me. That's who.)
So I could share a random dating disaster story for shits and giggles.
I once dated a "Gothic Chick" when I was in my 20s. She was younger than me, which is a rare thing for me, as I am a certified Cougar Hunter (tm). It was fairly intense. She even had me wear her spiked collar, which led to many offers of Kibbles and Bits from my co-workers. At any rate, we dated a couple of months and on my birthday, we went to a rock concert. She was always hanging around this girl she claimed was her cousin. So back to this rock concert-- as I'm making out with my girlfriend, her cousin gives me the Evil Eye. I asked my girlfriend what's up with her cousin, and her reply was the cousin just wanted me.
Well, after we broke up, I ran into a friend of the Gothic Chick. As you may have suspected, this cousin was not her cousin. The day I dumped Gothic Chick, she informed me she was bisexual and had a girlfriend. Well, her friend informed me this "cousin" was actually Gothic Chick's girlfriend! And to think I bought the cousin's concert ticket as well.
To think, I was the only one out of the loop here. I honestly didn't know. I was pissed at the time but now I think it's fucking hilarious. No, I wasn't offered a Three-Way (and not the Skyline Chili kind), but if she offered I would have said HELL NO! I'd prefer the Skyline Chili 3-way because it is tasty. I never liked this "cousin." But I digress.
Does a bad date beat no date at all? I guess at the time we all think so. Maybe that's why we keep going back to POF. For some of us, what other alternative do we have?
I do have some POF dating disasters, though they don't beat the Goth Gal story. Maybe I'll share them on a bad day.
The thought of even returning to POF is like extracting teeth. And yet, how many of us not only return to POF but feel the need to proclaim that fact as if it is some kind of mark of infamy. Has the US Government started handing out medals of honor for our failures on an online dating site? They must be, or people wouldn't brag about it so much. yeah, I've done three tours of duty at POF, been shot in the heart and was a POW (of love) for X years before escaping.
It should be a prerequisite for those returning to POF to explain exactly how they ended up on POF, especially if they found love and then lost it. At least going to POF would be more entertaining. I really have no POF stories of note-- I quit out of annoyance. Thrice. (Who says thrice anymore? Me. That's who.)
So I could share a random dating disaster story for shits and giggles.
 |
| Like this gal, only way bigger. I like my gals thick, what can I say? |
Well, after we broke up, I ran into a friend of the Gothic Chick. As you may have suspected, this cousin was not her cousin. The day I dumped Gothic Chick, she informed me she was bisexual and had a girlfriend. Well, her friend informed me this "cousin" was actually Gothic Chick's girlfriend! And to think I bought the cousin's concert ticket as well.
To think, I was the only one out of the loop here. I honestly didn't know. I was pissed at the time but now I think it's fucking hilarious. No, I wasn't offered a Three-Way (and not the Skyline Chili kind), but if she offered I would have said HELL NO! I'd prefer the Skyline Chili 3-way because it is tasty. I never liked this "cousin." But I digress.
Does a bad date beat no date at all? I guess at the time we all think so. Maybe that's why we keep going back to POF. For some of us, what other alternative do we have?
I do have some POF dating disasters, though they don't beat the Goth Gal story. Maybe I'll share them on a bad day.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
The "Angie POF Gal" part 1
A couple of months ago, I decided to write this blog to gripe about my struggles with online dating, particularly on Plenty Of Fish, because it is free for the most part. Well, one of my readers suggested I make a female online dating profile and gauge responses.
I have to admit, I was reluctant to do it. After all, I am a man, and exclusively heterosexual, so reading messages from men potentially telling me they want to "tap 'dat az" is not my idea of a lazy Sunday afternoon. But, after reading my share of ALL CAPS rants from female profiles tired of getting "nasty messages" from men, I decided to take the plunge.
So, for a day, The "Angry POF Guy" underwent a virtual sex change operation and became the "Angie POF Gal." No joke, I literally called my female profile "Angie POF Gal."
Seeing as how I was playing a silly game for the sake of writing an article for this humble blog, I have self-imposed a few guidelines.
First, I tried my best to make a mundane yet somewhat unique profile-- something that is inviting but not blatantly "my legs are spread eagle." Nothing bitchy, condescending, or negative. Something that implies you can get away with sounding a bit like a jerk to get Angie's attention (since I chose Cincinnati as my target, I made a local reference just for authenticity purposes)
Second, I have made it a point NOT to read profiles before they contact Angie. Back when I was serious about finding dates, I perused lots of profiles, so I wanted to see if it was truly easier for women.
Third, I intentionally picked Sunday Morning as my day to introduce "Angie" to the world. Why Sunday? It seems to be the day of the least activity. Most activity takes place towards Friday and Saturday on the site. As you can see, I am trying to balance my little experiment.
Before I move on to the results, there was one unresolved question-- what picture should I use? I thought about using a porn star pic, but a "Tin Eye" search could easily blow my cover (FYI, TinEye is a service that allows you to search pictures on the internet to see if they are found on other websites). Luckily for me, I was once engaged to a gal who had a real aversion to the internet, and thankfully, she lives in another state. She was about 5'2 and 170 pounds, but she worked out a lot so she was what some people would call "thick." I had a picture of her wearing the stereotypical red party dress-- not too revealing but with enough cleavage to get attention. Perfect.
So at about 11am or so, Angie POF Gal went online. As usual, I get that introductory email from "Markus" welcoming Angie to POF. I had not even finished deleting that canned message when Angie received her first message. I went to fix a sandwich.in the time it took me to slap some cold cuts between two slices of bread with some mustard, three more messages came.
By 2pm, when I started working on this article, Angie has received 25 messages, and 20 guys want to "meet" Angie. It certainly exceeded expectations, considering the time frame and my lack of interaction with everyone.
As a result of all the negative profiles I have read from women, my first expectation is a lot of jerks making comments about Angie's ample bosom or her pretty jet black hair. Well, of the first 21 messages, none were anything more than mundane "hi,' "how are you," a couple of "hey sexy/ beautiful," and similar comments. Nothing groundbreaking. No nasty comments, no sexual references (unless you could getting a simple "hey sexy" from a man using a screen name with "well hung" as part of his screen name).
Cincinnati's demographics are 53% white and 43% black, so it is fairly close to even-- at least far higher than the national average-- 73% white, 13% black). The stereotype, of course, is that white guys prefer a skinny blonde and black guys like a "thick" gal. Well, of the 23 guys who messaged in the first three hours, 16 were white, 7 were black, one was Arab, and one had no pic (and remember I'm not reading profiles yet). Of those who said they want to meet Angie, 15 were white, 4 were black, and one was "other" (I think Hispanic going by the pic). So far, it isn't looking good for the black guys want thick girls myth.
Of the 87 men who actually viewed Angie, 25 sent messages, so roughly a third were impressed. Compare that to my real profile, where well over a hundred women viewed my profile yet I received less than 10 responses. It goes without saying men are more willing to make the first move, but tend to write little more than the simple "hi, you are beautiful, wanna chat?" Where is all the "lets get naked and do it" comments?
So far, my first impression is this. Guys do make the first move, and maybe some guys have a one-track-mind, but I believe the ones who do aren't hiding it, and women just tend to get easily offended by the ones who do.
Now, by the time I published this, my experiment was over. I decided later on to wait till Saturday to delete the profile. Don't worry, I will share my final results soon.
I have to admit, I was reluctant to do it. After all, I am a man, and exclusively heterosexual, so reading messages from men potentially telling me they want to "tap 'dat az" is not my idea of a lazy Sunday afternoon. But, after reading my share of ALL CAPS rants from female profiles tired of getting "nasty messages" from men, I decided to take the plunge.
So, for a day, The "Angry POF Guy" underwent a virtual sex change operation and became the "Angie POF Gal." No joke, I literally called my female profile "Angie POF Gal."
.png) |
| I know. Very clever, huh? |
First, I tried my best to make a mundane yet somewhat unique profile-- something that is inviting but not blatantly "my legs are spread eagle." Nothing bitchy, condescending, or negative. Something that implies you can get away with sounding a bit like a jerk to get Angie's attention (since I chose Cincinnati as my target, I made a local reference just for authenticity purposes)
.png) |
| A real masterpiece. I expect a Pulitzer Prize for this award-winning profile! |
Second, I have made it a point NOT to read profiles before they contact Angie. Back when I was serious about finding dates, I perused lots of profiles, so I wanted to see if it was truly easier for women.
Third, I intentionally picked Sunday Morning as my day to introduce "Angie" to the world. Why Sunday? It seems to be the day of the least activity. Most activity takes place towards Friday and Saturday on the site. As you can see, I am trying to balance my little experiment.
Before I move on to the results, there was one unresolved question-- what picture should I use? I thought about using a porn star pic, but a "Tin Eye" search could easily blow my cover (FYI, TinEye is a service that allows you to search pictures on the internet to see if they are found on other websites). Luckily for me, I was once engaged to a gal who had a real aversion to the internet, and thankfully, she lives in another state. She was about 5'2 and 170 pounds, but she worked out a lot so she was what some people would call "thick." I had a picture of her wearing the stereotypical red party dress-- not too revealing but with enough cleavage to get attention. Perfect.
So at about 11am or so, Angie POF Gal went online. As usual, I get that introductory email from "Markus" welcoming Angie to POF. I had not even finished deleting that canned message when Angie received her first message. I went to fix a sandwich.in the time it took me to slap some cold cuts between two slices of bread with some mustard, three more messages came.
By 2pm, when I started working on this article, Angie has received 25 messages, and 20 guys want to "meet" Angie. It certainly exceeded expectations, considering the time frame and my lack of interaction with everyone.
As a result of all the negative profiles I have read from women, my first expectation is a lot of jerks making comments about Angie's ample bosom or her pretty jet black hair. Well, of the first 21 messages, none were anything more than mundane "hi,' "how are you," a couple of "hey sexy/ beautiful," and similar comments. Nothing groundbreaking. No nasty comments, no sexual references (unless you could getting a simple "hey sexy" from a man using a screen name with "well hung" as part of his screen name).
Cincinnati's demographics are 53% white and 43% black, so it is fairly close to even-- at least far higher than the national average-- 73% white, 13% black). The stereotype, of course, is that white guys prefer a skinny blonde and black guys like a "thick" gal. Well, of the 23 guys who messaged in the first three hours, 16 were white, 7 were black, one was Arab, and one had no pic (and remember I'm not reading profiles yet). Of those who said they want to meet Angie, 15 were white, 4 were black, and one was "other" (I think Hispanic going by the pic). So far, it isn't looking good for the black guys want thick girls myth.
Of the 87 men who actually viewed Angie, 25 sent messages, so roughly a third were impressed. Compare that to my real profile, where well over a hundred women viewed my profile yet I received less than 10 responses. It goes without saying men are more willing to make the first move, but tend to write little more than the simple "hi, you are beautiful, wanna chat?" Where is all the "lets get naked and do it" comments?
So far, my first impression is this. Guys do make the first move, and maybe some guys have a one-track-mind, but I believe the ones who do aren't hiding it, and women just tend to get easily offended by the ones who do.
Now, by the time I published this, my experiment was over. I decided later on to wait till Saturday to delete the profile. Don't worry, I will share my final results soon.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
The Angry POF guy's original profile
I stumbled upon my original Angry POF profile the other day. This is the profile that inspired this blog and got a lot more attention than my real-life profile.
The story behind it is quite simple-- I am just an average guy with decent writing skills who wasn't finding much success on POF. One day I simply became agitated and wrote this fake profile. This fake profile received more positive responses than my real profile. I don't know why, I was intentionally trying to be a jerk. But whatever.
Amazingly it was up a full year before POF deleted it. I suppose someone FINALLY was offended by the profile. (By the way, you can right-click the pics to see them in full size so you can read it).
The story behind it is quite simple-- I am just an average guy with decent writing skills who wasn't finding much success on POF. One day I simply became agitated and wrote this fake profile. This fake profile received more positive responses than my real profile. I don't know why, I was intentionally trying to be a jerk. But whatever.
Amazingly it was up a full year before POF deleted it. I suppose someone FINALLY was offended by the profile. (By the way, you can right-click the pics to see them in full size so you can read it).
Friday, June 14, 2013
Headlines!
Jay Leno is retiring next year (or maybe is being forced out), so soon there will be no more Headlines. It is sad.
But reading some of the headlines from POF can be hilarious. Lets be honest, it is hard to come up with a catchy headline. Some try to be funny, some sad, some that make you wonder why this person even tried. Am I angry? Yes. Mean? I try not to be. But sometimes someone just rubs me the wrong way.
So lets look at a few actual headlines, as I give my personal opinion on them:
"Did you read the profile before you messaged me?" -- No, I looked at yer' bewbeez. It was hard not to when the Headline was next to a blonde woman with a gratuitous cleavage shot. Which brings me to a valid complaint. Why do women make those pictures of their butts poking out of that facepic angle from above (the one that slightly chubby women use to minimize the double chin effect while emphasizing the cleavage; yes you know what I mean).
Men are visual, and these women know it, yet get offended when guys respond.
"Read profile or dont contact me" -- Aw shoot, too late. I don't take orders very well, my bad :)
"I'm kind of a big deal...People know me" -- Well I don't. The person who wrote this was going by the name of a certain cute female Batman Villain. Now, I have no problems with cosplayers, and a maid outfit on a woman is a regular fantasy of mine, but the Headline screams Alpha Female. I prefer a bit of humility, personally, because this headline screams high maintenance.
"I'm not a "BAD B ***" I'm a GOOD Woman" -- I am afraid to open this one. This headline warns me the profile will likely start with the infamous all-caps emasculating rants about how terrible all men are.
"I thought this was a seafood site/ Glub Glub/ Gone fishing/Dipping my toe in..." -- There are so many fish-puns in the headlines section that I have developed a seafood allergy reaction just be reading all of them. I wonder if guys use puns like Master Baitor...
"I`M SEXY AND I KNOW IT/ There's Something About a Truck/See you, space cowboy, etc." -- Using song titles or references as Headlines is as lame as an overplayed song. When I see this I think of more fitting songs like "Beat It." I'm willing to bet in Seattle, there are hundreds of "Sleepless in Seattle" references.
"haha im back :)" -- Thanks for the warning. I've been back three times now.
"where the real men at.........not on this site" -- I could say the same about the women.
"NOT LOOKING TO HOOK UP!!/ really..dont message me for sex..smh "-- Then why are you here? Complaining about it in your headline won't help. Most guys use the gallery format anyways.
"Can't get no betta than me..." -- Sounds silly coming from a middle aged white woman. This is passable only if you are 18 and listen to Flo 'Rida (still the dumbest rap artist name evah'). I don't know exactly what age this type of talk sounds stupid coming from an adult, but I would suggest at 36, that's too old!
"Tired of the bs" -- You and me both, Sister.
But reading some of the headlines from POF can be hilarious. Lets be honest, it is hard to come up with a catchy headline. Some try to be funny, some sad, some that make you wonder why this person even tried. Am I angry? Yes. Mean? I try not to be. But sometimes someone just rubs me the wrong way.
So lets look at a few actual headlines, as I give my personal opinion on them:
"Did you read the profile before you messaged me?" -- No, I looked at yer' bewbeez. It was hard not to when the Headline was next to a blonde woman with a gratuitous cleavage shot. Which brings me to a valid complaint. Why do women make those pictures of their butts poking out of that facepic angle from above (the one that slightly chubby women use to minimize the double chin effect while emphasizing the cleavage; yes you know what I mean).
 |
| like this... |
Men are visual, and these women know it, yet get offended when guys respond.
"Read profile or dont contact me" -- Aw shoot, too late. I don't take orders very well, my bad :)
"I'm kind of a big deal...People know me" -- Well I don't. The person who wrote this was going by the name of a certain cute female Batman Villain. Now, I have no problems with cosplayers, and a maid outfit on a woman is a regular fantasy of mine, but the Headline screams Alpha Female. I prefer a bit of humility, personally, because this headline screams high maintenance.
"I'm not a "BAD B ***" I'm a GOOD Woman" -- I am afraid to open this one. This headline warns me the profile will likely start with the infamous all-caps emasculating rants about how terrible all men are.
"I thought this was a seafood site/ Glub Glub/ Gone fishing/Dipping my toe in..." -- There are so many fish-puns in the headlines section that I have developed a seafood allergy reaction just be reading all of them. I wonder if guys use puns like Master Baitor...
"I`M SEXY AND I KNOW IT/ There's Something About a Truck/See you, space cowboy, etc." -- Using song titles or references as Headlines is as lame as an overplayed song. When I see this I think of more fitting songs like "Beat It." I'm willing to bet in Seattle, there are hundreds of "Sleepless in Seattle" references.
"haha im back :)" -- Thanks for the warning. I've been back three times now.
"where the real men at.........not on this site" -- I could say the same about the women.
"NOT LOOKING TO HOOK UP!!/ really..dont message me for sex..smh "-- Then why are you here? Complaining about it in your headline won't help. Most guys use the gallery format anyways.
"Can't get no betta than me..." -- Sounds silly coming from a middle aged white woman. This is passable only if you are 18 and listen to Flo 'Rida (still the dumbest rap artist name evah'). I don't know exactly what age this type of talk sounds stupid coming from an adult, but I would suggest at 36, that's too old!
 |
| word. |
"Tired of the bs" -- You and me both, Sister.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Markus tries to stuff the pirhanas back in the proverbial Pandora's Box.
Hello, my fellow POF masochists! No doubt you got one of these messages in your inbox. This damned cockblocker has officially killed my Cougar fantasy so I was so pissed I deleted my real profile. Anyways, there have been a few noticeable changes to POF over the years, most notably the loss of a few features that were once free. Simple little things like if a person read a message you sent. Seems the only one fishing is Markus! These changes are more dramatic than he realized. So my rant for tonight is limited to this message.
#1: The sexual message ban: As a strict legalist, I demand a full explanation of this. I am a man, so I almost see this as a challenge to see how far the envelope can be pushed.
Men (and my ex-wife) have a propensity to turn any act of inserting one object into another object into a sexual reference.
 |
| "I'll stuff my fortune in your cookie." |
#2: the 15-year age rule: Markus believes that the only purpose for any two people of such an age difference is to hook up. I happen to prefer dating women as much as 20 years my senior. That is my preference. I'm also in my mid-30s. Am I at risk to be victimized by a geriatric sexual predator?
 |
| Racquel Welch, age 70. *slurp* |
#3: No more Intimate Encounters: Well, y'all, it looks like POF is going to wither away and die. It was fun while it lasted. I think contributing this to the cell phone app it a bit of a stretch. One of my readers has actually suggested I sign up as a hot chick just for kicks, so Markus may be right on this one. (As an aside, there needs to be a category for those of "other" gender identifications such as transsexual).
That being said, it seems a feel-good measure. We can all read between the lines. "No commitment" and "wants to date but nothing serious" = "hookup." It wouldn't be Plenty of FISH if there weren't any HOOK-ups (love those fish puns). But then it goes from that straight into the "relationship." Isn't this as unreasonable as expecting sex on the first date. I'm just as creeped-out by a woman planning a wedding on a first date? (And yes, I have had a few like that.)
Markus has opened Pandora's Box and now wishes to stuff the demons back in the box. Good luck with that.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
DON'T GO IN THERE! The POF Forums
Lets be honest-- the internet brings out our inner douchebag, or, if you wax philosophical, an exercise in Discordianism. We all know it. We hear stories of people committing suicide after being targeted by cyber-bullies and the like. But no, that shit NEVER happens on POF. Everybody is just so nice, friendly, and sociable, and eager to date.....
Are we done bullshitting yet? If you are like a large number of individuals, you probably went in, made a profile, had a lot of rejection r were turned off by the number of people bitching you out for shit you haven't even done yet. By the time you've been accused of being a potential sex fiend or run through the gamut of personal space violations that make TSA groping feel like a disinterested glance you begin second guessing yourself.
Then one night you discover that POF has an online forum. What could go wrong? Just think about it. The Internet encourages troll behavior. There are people who just love to watch the world burn. And there are people who are just "here for the forums." A LOT of people.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9630046.aspx
So anyways, POF no longer has a link to the forums from the site. That's probably a good thing, when you consider drama happens in every forum. So when you are brokenhearted, the last thing you want is to be attacked or ridiculed by other hurt people.
So let me save you a shitload of aggravation and flame wars (unless you ARE one of those people who love flinging fire), and I will share with you the single piece of good advice you will ever need to hear.
Yup. This is all you need to know. This little single post sums up POF in a nutshell. What more can I honestly say to add to it? Memorize it and memorize it well.
I meant to spend more time on this but after reading the forums, getting a shrink and an antidepressant is in order. Trust me when I say this:
Are we done bullshitting yet? If you are like a large number of individuals, you probably went in, made a profile, had a lot of rejection r were turned off by the number of people bitching you out for shit you haven't even done yet. By the time you've been accused of being a potential sex fiend or run through the gamut of personal space violations that make TSA groping feel like a disinterested glance you begin second guessing yourself.
 |
| Still less intrusive than POF's personality tests |
Then one night you discover that POF has an online forum. What could go wrong? Just think about it. The Internet encourages troll behavior. There are people who just love to watch the world burn. And there are people who are just "here for the forums." A LOT of people.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9630046.aspx
So anyways, POF no longer has a link to the forums from the site. That's probably a good thing, when you consider drama happens in every forum. So when you are brokenhearted, the last thing you want is to be attacked or ridiculed by other hurt people.
So let me save you a shitload of aggravation and flame wars (unless you ARE one of those people who love flinging fire), and I will share with you the single piece of good advice you will ever need to hear.
Yup. This is all you need to know. This little single post sums up POF in a nutshell. What more can I honestly say to add to it? Memorize it and memorize it well.
I meant to spend more time on this but after reading the forums, getting a shrink and an antidepressant is in order. Trust me when I say this:
Sunday, April 7, 2013
The Stanford Dating Experiment: Douchebags versus Nice Guys-- Do nice guys really finish last?
I won't pick on anyone today, for the moment, so I will do my impersonation of the usual generic catch-all POF profile.
GENERIC SINGLE GIRL ABOUT ME: I am looking for an honest, dependable, funny man who has his life together and knows what he wants in life. The ideal man should be romantic, a good listener, and attentive to me needs.
Most female profiles read like this in so many words. After spending years on POF, I have seen plenty of catch phrases. A women wants a man who is DEPENDABLE (has a j-o-b, ambitious, driven), wants a RELATIONSHIP (wants more than just sex, not here to play games), is THOUGHTFUL (romantic, good listener, attentive, and that can include intimacy details like cuddling or selflessness in bed).
Hey I can't cap on that! No problems here. What I CAN cap on is the fact that what women SAY and what they WANT are two different things. But we can't really fault women, well not entirely. Many women were raised on fairy tales, so they grew up with this notion they'd meet some dashing, stud-muffin-ly (and rich as fuck) Prince Charming who will rescue them from dragons and they will in love and live Happily Ever After.
Or for the more grown up, non-cartoony crowd, there's the "wealthy millionaire saves pretty harlot from whoredom and lives happily ever after."
So from early in our lives, that bar of expectation is ridiculously high. But at some point, reality sets in. Princes aren't always so handsome....
And the richest man in the world is older than Methuselah:
But when you have $73 BILLION, that doesn't matter. So at some point, those spoon fed this Happily Ever After (tm) bullshit, after their world collapses, seek a cheap substitute. And there is no cheaper substitute than POF (seeing as how it is free and all).
If you are Average Joe, you are already at a real disadvantage. The irony is the "nice guy" is the PERSONALITY profile of the fairy tale prince. The handsome prince is the type that will lay down his life for his love and go out of his way to prove his love, sacrificing himself for her, turning his life around if he's the bad boy type. That's the worst one of all. The handsome bad boy reformed by the love of a woman. But the human being obtains most information about the world through the eyes. So my hypothesis is women equate the more physically appealing men with what they are looking for in a man. Unfortunately, our society has an interesting take on what is attractive. Since mass media is our biggest influence, a large portion of our society thinks this is hot:
What does this tell you? Love isn't blind but could use some thicker glasses. Again, our pop culture has further skewed the concepts of beauty and desirability. Nasty orange skin, shark fin haircuts, silly facial expressions, all of which are the hallmarks of current douhebaggery. Women claim they don't like these arrogant punks but they always seem to get the girl, while Mister Nice Guy just gets the cold shoulder.
So is it really true nice guys finish last? First, lets look at some boring-ass-statistics that are probably full of shit. The site Statistics Brain has a page on Online dating statistics. This site claims ONLY 49% of people claim looks are the primary factor in choosing a prospective date. Well, just because I'm a lazy bastard, I will just post a few more interesting stats:
The numbers seem encouraging enough. So 38% of women claim they like "nice guys" and only 15% like "bad boys." Yet, we see the douchebag Alpha-Males get the girl so much in the media. So what gives? Is there any truth to it, or is it just another media lie? And honestly, are those answering the questions, the same online daters who openly lie on their own fucking profiles, answering THESE questions honestly in the first place?
Well, there was research that suggests the myth has some merit. A 2012 study from the University of Texas-San Antonio (UTSA) suggests when women ovulate, they are more likely to choose the rebellious bad-boy type, deluding themselves into believing this asshole will be a great provider and devoted partners. So you know how women love to throw up in the faces of men how we love to think with our "little heads"? Well, now you know the women are not that much different when it comes to the physical body, they are fundamentally not much different than men. So is it fair to say many women think with their vaginas?
There is some evidence to suggest nice guys get overlooked, at least in the business world. One study measured human behavior in a business setting. The definition of a nice guy in this study is very specific, namely agreeability and the penchant for avoiding conflict/ confrontation. Those who were agreeable were paid less on average. Those who were "assertive" or "aggressively advocating their position during conflicts" earned more money. Not necessarily being a jerk, but being able to assert yourself was a factor in getting what you want.
But, if you really want to dig deep, read the study "Physical Attractiveness and the Nice Guy Paradox: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?" This study concludes that while BOTH physical attraction and niceness ranked high with women, the #1 factor depends on motivation. If a gal wants a relationship, niceness becomes #1. If a gal wants a piece of ass, then good looks become #1.
Of course, all this research could be a heaping, steaming pile of bullshit.
So I decided to play a little game. In the spirit of the famous Stanford Prison Experiment, let us call my little experiment the "Stanford Dating Experiment." I created two profiles-- one regular guy profile, and one douchebag profile. Mr. Nice Guy was played by me, of course. The "real me," my real face, personality, interests (no way in hell I'm sharing it with you for anonymity reasons. Nice try, though). My alternate profile is my "douchebag" profile. Now I found a random pic of some young blonde punk wearing a t-shirt that reads, "Never trust anything which bleeds for five days and never dies," and I wrote a comments that made it obvious the profile was as fake as a three-dollar bill.
By now you are probably tired from the intellectual overload so I'll give you the lowlights. No surprise, the douchebag profile received eight positive responses, IN JUST ONE DAY, plus I got a phone number and a date offer. Nice guy profile got five positive responses IN ONE YEAR.
If you read my previous article, the first dating review post from yesterday, I have to mention the one girl who told me that she was looking for a "FWB" responded to Douchebag but not to Nice Guy. Based upon my personal experience, I can conclude that online daters tend to prefer assholes.
The relative anonymity of the internet allows individuals to engage in unethical behavior. It even has a technical name -- The Online Disinhibition Effect (apparently they couldn't come up with a catchy acronym). For the non-technical, the Internet allows us to act like total assholes because even though we have given a lot of personal info to POF, we're still relatively anonymous. Unless you have the memory of a steel trap or took notes, then chances are you wouldn't recognize anyone here offline (and if you memorized these people and took notes, dude, you have issues).
Speaking of trolls, whatever you do, don't enter the POF forums. Many people have wandered into that terrible part of this virtual pond, where the virtual piranhas wait to tear you apart. Woe to those who wade in its depths. You've been warned. So next on POF, lets go visit the forums.
GENERIC SINGLE GIRL ABOUT ME: I am looking for an honest, dependable, funny man who has his life together and knows what he wants in life. The ideal man should be romantic, a good listener, and attentive to me needs.
Most female profiles read like this in so many words. After spending years on POF, I have seen plenty of catch phrases. A women wants a man who is DEPENDABLE (has a j-o-b, ambitious, driven), wants a RELATIONSHIP (wants more than just sex, not here to play games), is THOUGHTFUL (romantic, good listener, attentive, and that can include intimacy details like cuddling or selflessness in bed).
Hey I can't cap on that! No problems here. What I CAN cap on is the fact that what women SAY and what they WANT are two different things. But we can't really fault women, well not entirely. Many women were raised on fairy tales, so they grew up with this notion they'd meet some dashing, stud-muffin-ly (and rich as fuck) Prince Charming who will rescue them from dragons and they will in love and live Happily Ever After.
 |
| Fucking Disney. |
 |
| Fucking Julia Roberts. |
And the richest man in the world is older than Methuselah:
 |
| I was just thinking, it must really piss off immigrant-haters to know the richest man in the world lives there. Carlos Slim. Even richer than Bill Gates. |
If you are Average Joe, you are already at a real disadvantage. The irony is the "nice guy" is the PERSONALITY profile of the fairy tale prince. The handsome prince is the type that will lay down his life for his love and go out of his way to prove his love, sacrificing himself for her, turning his life around if he's the bad boy type. That's the worst one of all. The handsome bad boy reformed by the love of a woman. But the human being obtains most information about the world through the eyes. So my hypothesis is women equate the more physically appealing men with what they are looking for in a man. Unfortunately, our society has an interesting take on what is attractive. Since mass media is our biggest influence, a large portion of our society thinks this is hot:
What does this tell you? Love isn't blind but could use some thicker glasses. Again, our pop culture has further skewed the concepts of beauty and desirability. Nasty orange skin, shark fin haircuts, silly facial expressions, all of which are the hallmarks of current douhebaggery. Women claim they don't like these arrogant punks but they always seem to get the girl, while Mister Nice Guy just gets the cold shoulder.
So is it really true nice guys finish last? First, lets look at some boring-ass-statistics that are probably full of shit. The site Statistics Brain has a page on Online dating statistics. This site claims ONLY 49% of people claim looks are the primary factor in choosing a prospective date. Well, just because I'm a lazy bastard, I will just post a few more interesting stats:
The numbers seem encouraging enough. So 38% of women claim they like "nice guys" and only 15% like "bad boys." Yet, we see the douchebag Alpha-Males get the girl so much in the media. So what gives? Is there any truth to it, or is it just another media lie? And honestly, are those answering the questions, the same online daters who openly lie on their own fucking profiles, answering THESE questions honestly in the first place?
Well, there was research that suggests the myth has some merit. A 2012 study from the University of Texas-San Antonio (UTSA) suggests when women ovulate, they are more likely to choose the rebellious bad-boy type, deluding themselves into believing this asshole will be a great provider and devoted partners. So you know how women love to throw up in the faces of men how we love to think with our "little heads"? Well, now you know the women are not that much different when it comes to the physical body, they are fundamentally not much different than men. So is it fair to say many women think with their vaginas?
There is some evidence to suggest nice guys get overlooked, at least in the business world. One study measured human behavior in a business setting. The definition of a nice guy in this study is very specific, namely agreeability and the penchant for avoiding conflict/ confrontation. Those who were agreeable were paid less on average. Those who were "assertive" or "aggressively advocating their position during conflicts" earned more money. Not necessarily being a jerk, but being able to assert yourself was a factor in getting what you want.
But, if you really want to dig deep, read the study "Physical Attractiveness and the Nice Guy Paradox: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?" This study concludes that while BOTH physical attraction and niceness ranked high with women, the #1 factor depends on motivation. If a gal wants a relationship, niceness becomes #1. If a gal wants a piece of ass, then good looks become #1.
Of course, all this research could be a heaping, steaming pile of bullshit.
So I decided to play a little game. In the spirit of the famous Stanford Prison Experiment, let us call my little experiment the "Stanford Dating Experiment." I created two profiles-- one regular guy profile, and one douchebag profile. Mr. Nice Guy was played by me, of course. The "real me," my real face, personality, interests (no way in hell I'm sharing it with you for anonymity reasons. Nice try, though). My alternate profile is my "douchebag" profile. Now I found a random pic of some young blonde punk wearing a t-shirt that reads, "Never trust anything which bleeds for five days and never dies," and I wrote a comments that made it obvious the profile was as fake as a three-dollar bill.
 |
| As an aside, some dumbass got arrested for trying to buy something with one of these. |
By now you are probably tired from the intellectual overload so I'll give you the lowlights. No surprise, the douchebag profile received eight positive responses, IN JUST ONE DAY, plus I got a phone number and a date offer. Nice guy profile got five positive responses IN ONE YEAR.
If you read my previous article, the first dating review post from yesterday, I have to mention the one girl who told me that she was looking for a "FWB" responded to Douchebag but not to Nice Guy. Based upon my personal experience, I can conclude that online daters tend to prefer assholes.
The relative anonymity of the internet allows individuals to engage in unethical behavior. It even has a technical name -- The Online Disinhibition Effect (apparently they couldn't come up with a catchy acronym). For the non-technical, the Internet allows us to act like total assholes because even though we have given a lot of personal info to POF, we're still relatively anonymous. Unless you have the memory of a steel trap or took notes, then chances are you wouldn't recognize anyone here offline (and if you memorized these people and took notes, dude, you have issues).
Speaking of trolls, whatever you do, don't enter the POF forums. Many people have wandered into that terrible part of this virtual pond, where the virtual piranhas wait to tear you apart. Woe to those who wade in its depths. You've been warned. So next on POF, lets go visit the forums.
 |
| Here fishy fishy. Welcome to the POF forums. Mwa-ha-ha-ha! |
Saturday, April 6, 2013
"Follow me, and I will make you fishers of women." Or not. Popping the POF cherry
Welcome to hell, dating fiends! In my last post, we discussed the humiliation of simply signing up for Plenty Of Fish.
So now the REAL fun begins. You can use the Search feature, which is more specific, or hit the "online" feature to see any lady (since I'm a guy I'll be speaking from the heterosexual male perspective) within I assume to be 50 miles of your zip code who is online at the time. My experience is the "chat" function works about as often as a "Hail Mary" pass so don't expect any miracles there.
Whichever poison you pick, you will at some point settle on viewing somebody's profile. Lets be honest here-- most of us are going to judge by looks. That includes you ladies, don't deny it! Well I look at the profiles. Why? Because no matter how hot a woman is, attitude is a deal breaker.
Well, without further ado, lets start viewing a few profiles.
Profile #1
Well I found nice looking 31-year-old lady. She's a nice looking gal, and the first pic is what you first expect, a decent up-close face shot with a smile. Okay. So I click, and this is what I see....
Because nothing gets a guy going like pics of a girl poking out her booty and some random black guy that, at first glance, looks to be flipping you off, I just had to read more. You know you want to.
Now, if you like ghetto culture, more power to you. But I'm not a fan of it. And to be honest, I have more difficulty understanding "Street" than I do those outsourced tech support guys over the phone. I could use a little help from anyone who can translate this woman's profile:
Okay. Its a mix of street AND redneck! FUK ALL YALL... ERRRY LAST ONE A YALL!!!! What is "NEWAYZ"? Is that a new R&B group?
This begs the question. At what age should an adult stop talking this way? At 31, I feel this gal is pushing the limits. She may be a sweetheart in reality but I think I'll pass. I need to date someone I can understand. Moving on...
PROFILE #2
This is why I prefer the search mode to the Online/ Gallery mode. Headlines sometimes warn us of what is ahead. So what does this headline tell you?
I blocked out her face but trust me, there's a very attractive woman here. But that headline scares me. "Tired of being hurt." That may be true, and who likes being hurt? BUT, when I see I envision our first date will play like a Freudian counseling session. The only way you'll have her on the couch is if she's laying on it, exploring the pains of childhood while you take notes from a distant but antique wooden desk.
PROFILE #3
This one is a lot of fun. I'll just let the pics speak for themselves here. First off, I hate the use of the term "Ur."
Ur is that place in Mesopotamia where father Abraham was allegedly born (modern day Iraq for those who care to know). Smart people don't use Ur to say "you are." Sorry, text talk and ghetto slang are pet peeves of mine.
So what does she really want, I wonder? Thought I'd ask.
Why people can't be honest on this site, I don't know. Why not just say it? And it seems a tad hypocritical to not date anyone with a few extra pounds when she isn't exactly Kathy Ireland. To each their own I guess. Moving on.
Profile #4
Holy shit! Its Brooke "Southern Brooke" Lawson! Shit, I wish. Apparently, this is a fairly WELL KNOWN scammer using Southern Brooke.
http://www.romancescam.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=35472&p=186033
How did I know this was a "pr0n" star? Well, um, "Ur", err... lets just call it a hunch? At any rate, there is also a site called "tineye" that allows you to post a link or a downloaded picture and find any instance that pic is on the internet. It is not foolproof, but it is just a small way of protecting yourself. So enough porno dreams. Southern Brooke is NOT going to let your fat nasty ass (or mine) go southern on her brook.
POF gets a lot of derision. Plenty Of Fakes, Plenty Of Frauds, Plenty Of Fools, Plenty Of Fuckoffs, etc. Let this site be a warning. Be sure of what you are getting yourself into.
Next, do women prefer douchebag men? Find out in the Stanford Dating Experiment!
-- Angry POF Guy.
So now the REAL fun begins. You can use the Search feature, which is more specific, or hit the "online" feature to see any lady (since I'm a guy I'll be speaking from the heterosexual male perspective) within I assume to be 50 miles of your zip code who is online at the time. My experience is the "chat" function works about as often as a "Hail Mary" pass so don't expect any miracles there.
Whichever poison you pick, you will at some point settle on viewing somebody's profile. Lets be honest here-- most of us are going to judge by looks. That includes you ladies, don't deny it! Well I look at the profiles. Why? Because no matter how hot a woman is, attitude is a deal breaker.
Well, without further ado, lets start viewing a few profiles.
Profile #1
Well I found nice looking 31-year-old lady. She's a nice looking gal, and the first pic is what you first expect, a decent up-close face shot with a smile. Okay. So I click, and this is what I see....
Because nothing gets a guy going like pics of a girl poking out her booty and some random black guy that, at first glance, looks to be flipping you off, I just had to read more. You know you want to.
Now, if you like ghetto culture, more power to you. But I'm not a fan of it. And to be honest, I have more difficulty understanding "Street" than I do those outsourced tech support guys over the phone. I could use a little help from anyone who can translate this woman's profile:
Okay. Its a mix of street AND redneck! FUK ALL YALL... ERRRY LAST ONE A YALL!!!! What is "NEWAYZ"? Is that a new R&B group?
This begs the question. At what age should an adult stop talking this way? At 31, I feel this gal is pushing the limits. She may be a sweetheart in reality but I think I'll pass. I need to date someone I can understand. Moving on...
PROFILE #2
This is why I prefer the search mode to the Online/ Gallery mode. Headlines sometimes warn us of what is ahead. So what does this headline tell you?
I blocked out her face but trust me, there's a very attractive woman here. But that headline scares me. "Tired of being hurt." That may be true, and who likes being hurt? BUT, when I see I envision our first date will play like a Freudian counseling session. The only way you'll have her on the couch is if she's laying on it, exploring the pains of childhood while you take notes from a distant but antique wooden desk.
PROFILE #3
This one is a lot of fun. I'll just let the pics speak for themselves here. First off, I hate the use of the term "Ur."
 |
| This is Ur, dammit. |
So what does she really want, I wonder? Thought I'd ask.
Why people can't be honest on this site, I don't know. Why not just say it? And it seems a tad hypocritical to not date anyone with a few extra pounds when she isn't exactly Kathy Ireland. To each their own I guess. Moving on.
Profile #4
Holy shit! Its Brooke "Southern Brooke" Lawson! Shit, I wish. Apparently, this is a fairly WELL KNOWN scammer using Southern Brooke.
http://www.romancescam.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=35472&p=186033
How did I know this was a "pr0n" star? Well, um, "Ur", err... lets just call it a hunch? At any rate, there is also a site called "tineye" that allows you to post a link or a downloaded picture and find any instance that pic is on the internet. It is not foolproof, but it is just a small way of protecting yourself. So enough porno dreams. Southern Brooke is NOT going to let your fat nasty ass (or mine) go southern on her brook.
POF gets a lot of derision. Plenty Of Fakes, Plenty Of Frauds, Plenty Of Fools, Plenty Of Fuckoffs, etc. Let this site be a warning. Be sure of what you are getting yourself into.
Next, do women prefer douchebag men? Find out in the Stanford Dating Experiment!
-- Angry POF Guy.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
You get what you pay for! An introduction to the Angry POF blog
The road to hell is paved with the best of intentions. The creation of a free online dating service was a good idea at some point in time. Granted, a growing number of features on POF are no longer free, and perhaps at some point, POF will be no different than all the other pay to play dating sites. But for now, POF remains free for at least some basic features.
Sometimes I wonder if POF is a front or some government data collection agency. That first page full of information you should fill out should be a foreboding sign of things to come. POF asks for a lot of specific information – your height, weight, eye color, dating preferences, page, and so forth. But then the profiling becomes very intrusive.
These days you were forced to endure a rather lengthy psychological profile. Are we looking for a date, or are we trying to obtain a security clearance? It . asks for your earnings. I'm amazed it doesn't ask for your W2 forms! There is actually a method to this madness. POF dictates whose profiles you see based upon their arbitrary criteria. Who are they to dictate to you whether you are a match to babygrl666? What, they don't think you'd make a cute couple because she's a "fashionista" and you are "blue collar"? Opposites attract! Maury Povich does an entire show on odd couples. My favorite question is always "Which child were you?" . I am the youngest child of two dead parents. Gee, thanks POF for drudging up my miserable childhood and dead parents! What will he ask next? Was I bullied as a kid? Did I smooch Suzy Q under the bleachers? Did I do chores around the house? This question should come with "Emo" costumes and black eyeshadow.
This next option sounds pretty mean -- "Would you date someone that has BBW or a few extra pounds selected as a body type?" My first thought was Peter Griffin wearing a no fat chicks T-shirt ( for the record I do not discriminate, I like my women with a little meat on their bones).
 |
| Just for the record, I have seen similar remarks from plus sized women at POF. |
At some point, you actually get to describe yourself. POF Laves another condescending remark; "People will read both your profile AND message when deciding if they should write back to you. If your profile is really lame it won't matter how good your message is." Thanks again, POF! Now, in addition to being paranoid about the FBI showing up at my door, I have to worry about having a "lame" profile.
So what are the keys to creating a great profile? Damned if I know? POF offers suggestions:
| If you want to be successful on POF, try this: 1. Talk about your hobbies. 2. Talk about your goals and aspirations 3. Talk about yourself and what makes you unique. 4. Describe your taste in music. |
As you can imagine, there are a number of profiles which follow this description to a "T". Why describe your hobbies when you are going to do like the other 99.9% of POF'ers and post them in the interests section? Duh, could you describe what "baseball" and "video games" are? And a lotr of people cheat at this section. They either lie or type gibberish because they are not investing in the website. They just came to laugh at you like Nelson from the Simpsons. Ha-hah!
There is one great BIG issue that needs serious work at POF. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not anti-gay in any way. But there needs to be a separate designation for those who like to dress up in the attire of the opposite sex, or, to put it in the politically correct term, "Transgendered People." This would help avoid any necessary problems from getting your engine running only to discover that you were looking to test drive an automatic and instead grab a stick shift, if you catch my drift. I don't dislike gay people or transgendered people, I just prefer tacos to burritos. I'm not at POF to compare penis sizes!
While they're at it, can they fix the local search to exclude cities that require me to drive to a different time zone? If I live in Indianapolis, Cincinnati and Louisville are NOT local profiles.
Be warned, you will soon see a number of ridiculous profiles. This is what my blog is about-- capping on the insanity that is "Plenty of Fish." More to come.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)