DON'T GO IN THERE! The POF Forums

Lets be honest-- the internet brings out our inner douchebag, or, if you wax philosophical, an exercise in Discordianism. We all know it. We hear stories of people committing suicide after being targeted by cyber-bullies and the like. But no, that shit NEVER happens on POF. Everybody is just so nice, friendly, and sociable, and eager to date.....

Are we done bullshitting yet? If you are like a large number of individuals, you probably went in, made a profile, had a lot of rejection r were turned off by the number of people bitching you out for shit you haven't even done yet. By the time you've been accused of being a potential sex fiend or run through the gamut of personal space violations that make TSA groping feel like a disinterested glance you begin second guessing yourself.

Still less intrusive than POF's personality tests

Then one night you discover that POF has an online forum. What could go wrong? Just think about it. The Internet encourages troll behavior. There are people who just love to watch the world burn. And there are people who are just "here for the forums." A LOT of people.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9630046.aspx

So anyways, POF no longer has a link to the forums from the site. That's probably a good thing, when you consider drama happens in every forum. So when you are brokenhearted, the last thing you want is to be attacked or ridiculed by other hurt people.

So let me save you a shitload of aggravation and flame wars (unless you ARE one of those people who love flinging fire), and I will share with you the single piece of good advice you will ever need to hear.

Yup. This is all you need to know. This little single post sums up POF in a nutshell. What more can I honestly say to add to it? Memorize it and memorize it well.

I meant to spend more time on this but after reading the forums, getting a shrink and an antidepressant is in order. Trust me when I say this:

The Stanford Dating Experiment: Douchebags versus Nice Guys-- Do nice guys really finish last?

I won't pick on anyone today, for the moment, so I will do my impersonation of the usual generic catch-all POF profile.

GENERIC SINGLE GIRL ABOUT ME: I am looking for an honest, dependable, funny man who has his life together and knows what he wants in life. The ideal man should be romantic, a good listener, and attentive to me needs.

Most female profiles read like this in so many words. After spending years on POF, I have seen plenty of catch phrases. A women wants a man who is DEPENDABLE (has a j-o-b, ambitious, driven), wants a RELATIONSHIP (wants more than just sex, not here to play games), is THOUGHTFUL (romantic, good listener, attentive, and that can include intimacy details like cuddling or selflessness in bed).

Hey I can't cap on that! No problems here. What I CAN cap on is the fact that what women SAY and what they WANT are two different things. But we can't really fault women, well not entirely. Many women were raised on fairy tales, so they grew up with this notion they'd meet some dashing, stud-muffin-ly (and rich as fuck) Prince Charming who will rescue them from dragons and they will in love and live Happily Ever After.

Fucking Disney.

Or for the more grown up, non-cartoony crowd, there's the "wealthy millionaire saves pretty harlot from whoredom and lives happily ever after."

Fucking Julia Roberts.

So from early in our lives, that bar of expectation is ridiculously high. But at some point, reality sets in. Princes aren't always so handsome....

And the richest man in the world is older than Methuselah:

I was just thinking, it must really piss off immigrant-haters to know the richest man
in the world lives there. Carlos Slim. Even richer than Bill Gates.

But when you have $73 BILLION, that doesn't matter. So at some point, those spoon fed this Happily Ever After (tm) bullshit, after their world collapses, seek a cheap substitute. And there is no cheaper substitute than POF (seeing as how it is free and all).

If you are Average Joe, you are already at a real disadvantage. The irony is the "nice guy" is the PERSONALITY profile of the fairy tale prince. The handsome prince is the type that will lay down his life for his love and go out of his way to prove his love, sacrificing himself for her, turning his life around if he's the bad boy type. That's the worst one of all. The handsome bad boy reformed by the love of a woman. But the human being obtains most information about the world through the eyes. So my hypothesis is women equate the more physically appealing men with what they are looking for in a man. Unfortunately, our society has an interesting take on what is attractive. Since mass media is our biggest influence, a large portion of our society thinks this is hot:

What does this tell you? Love isn't blind but could use some thicker glasses. Again, our pop culture has further skewed the concepts of beauty and desirability. Nasty orange skin, shark fin haircuts, silly facial expressions, all of which are the hallmarks of current douhebaggery. Women claim they don't like these arrogant punks but they always seem to get the girl, while Mister Nice Guy just gets the cold shoulder.

So is it really true nice guys finish last? First, lets look at some boring-ass-statistics that are probably full of shit. The site Statistics Brain has a page on Online dating statistics. This site claims ONLY 49% of people claim looks are the primary factor in choosing a prospective date. Well, just because I'm a lazy bastard, I will just post a few more interesting stats:

The numbers seem encouraging enough. So 38% of women claim they like "nice guys" and only 15% like "bad boys." Yet, we see the douchebag Alpha-Males get the girl so much in the media. So what gives? Is there any truth to it, or is it just another media lie? And honestly, are those answering the questions, the same online daters who openly lie on their own fucking profiles, answering THESE questions honestly in the first place?

Well, there was research that suggests the myth has some merit. A 2012 study from the University of Texas-San Antonio (UTSA) suggests when women ovulate, they are more likely to choose the rebellious bad-boy type, deluding themselves into believing this asshole will be a great provider and devoted partners. So you know how women love to throw up in the faces of men how we love to think with our "little heads"? Well, now you know the women are not that much different when it comes to the physical body, they are fundamentally not much different than men. So is it fair to say many women think with their vaginas?

There is some evidence to suggest nice guys get overlooked, at least in the business world. One study measured human behavior in a business setting. The definition of a nice guy in this study is very specific, namely agreeability and the penchant for avoiding conflict/ confrontation. Those who were agreeable were paid less on average. Those who were "assertive" or "aggressively advocating their position during conflicts" earned more money. Not necessarily being a jerk, but being able to assert yourself was a factor in getting what you want.

But, if you really want to dig deep, read the study "Physical Attractiveness and the Nice Guy Paradox: Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?" This study concludes that while BOTH physical attraction and niceness ranked high with women, the #1 factor depends on motivation. If a gal wants a relationship, niceness becomes #1. If a gal wants a piece of ass, then good looks become #1.

Of course, all this research could be a heaping, steaming pile of bullshit.

So I decided to play a little game. In the spirit of the famous Stanford Prison Experiment, let us call my little experiment the "Stanford Dating Experiment." I created two profiles-- one regular guy profile, and one douchebag profile. Mr. Nice Guy was played by me, of course. The "real me," my real face, personality, interests (no way in hell I'm sharing it with you for anonymity reasons. Nice try, though). My alternate profile is my "douchebag" profile. Now I found a random pic of some young blonde punk wearing a t-shirt that reads, "Never trust anything which bleeds for five days and never dies," and I wrote a comments that made it obvious the profile was as fake as a three-dollar bill.

As an aside, some dumbass got arrested for trying to buy something with one of these.

By now you are probably tired from the intellectual overload so I'll give you the lowlights. No surprise, the douchebag profile received eight positive responses, IN JUST ONE DAY, plus I got a phone number and a date offer. Nice guy profile got five positive responses IN ONE YEAR.

If you read my previous article, the first dating review post from yesterday, I have to mention the one girl who told me that she was looking for a "FWB" responded to Douchebag but not to Nice Guy. Based upon my personal experience, I can conclude that online daters tend to prefer assholes.

The relative anonymity of the internet allows individuals to engage in unethical behavior. It even has a technical name -- The Online Disinhibition Effect (apparently they couldn't come up with a catchy acronym). For the non-technical, the Internet allows us to act like total assholes because even though we have given a lot of personal info to POF, we're still relatively anonymous. Unless you have the memory of a steel trap or took notes, then chances are you wouldn't recognize anyone here offline (and if you memorized these people and took notes, dude, you have issues).

Speaking of trolls, whatever you do, don't enter the POF forums. Many people have wandered into that terrible part of this virtual pond, where the virtual piranhas wait to tear you apart. Woe to those  who wade in its depths. You've been warned. So next on POF, lets go visit the forums.

Here fishy fishy. Welcome to the POF forums. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

"Follow me, and I will make you fishers of women." Or not. Popping the POF cherry

Welcome to hell, dating fiends! In my last post, we discussed the humiliation of simply signing up for Plenty Of Fish.

So now the REAL fun begins. You can use the Search feature, which is more specific, or hit the "online" feature to see any lady (since I'm a guy I'll be speaking from the heterosexual male perspective) within I assume to be 50 miles of your zip code who is online at the time. My experience is the "chat" function works about as often as a "Hail Mary" pass so don't expect any miracles there.

Whichever poison you pick, you will at some point settle on viewing somebody's profile. Lets be honest here-- most of us are going to judge by looks. That includes you ladies, don't deny it! Well I look at the profiles. Why? Because no matter how hot a woman is, attitude is a deal breaker.

Well, without further ado, lets start viewing a few profiles.

Profile #1

Well I found  nice looking 31-year-old lady. She's a nice looking gal, and the first pic is what you first expect, a decent up-close face shot with a smile. Okay. So I click, and this is what I see....

Because nothing gets a guy going like pics of a girl poking out her booty and some random black guy that, at first glance, looks to be flipping you off, I just had to read more. You know you want to.

Now, if you like ghetto culture, more power to you. But I'm not a fan of it. And to be honest, I have more difficulty understanding "Street" than I do those outsourced tech support guys over the phone. I could use a little help from anyone who can translate this woman's profile:

Okay. Its a mix of street AND redneck! FUK ALL YALL... ERRRY LAST ONE A YALL!!!! What is "NEWAYZ"? Is that a new R&B group?

This begs the question. At what age should an adult stop talking this way? At 31, I feel this gal is pushing the limits. She may be a sweetheart in reality but I think I'll pass. I need to date someone I can understand. Moving on...

PROFILE #2

This is why I prefer the search mode to the Online/ Gallery mode. Headlines sometimes warn us of what is ahead. So what does this headline tell you?

I blocked out her face but trust me, there's a very attractive woman here. But that headline scares me. "Tired of being hurt." That may be true, and who likes being hurt? BUT, when I see I envision our first date will play like a Freudian counseling session. The only way you'll have her on the couch is if she's laying on it, exploring the pains of childhood while you take notes from a distant but antique wooden desk.

PROFILE #3

This one is a lot of fun. I'll just let the pics speak for themselves here. First off, I hate the use of the term "Ur."

This is Ur, dammit.

Ur is that place in Mesopotamia where father Abraham was allegedly born (modern day Iraq for those who care to know). Smart people don't use Ur to say "you are." Sorry, text talk and ghetto slang are pet peeves of mine.

So what does she really want, I wonder? Thought I'd ask.

Why people can't be honest on this site, I don't know. Why not just say it? And it seems a tad hypocritical to not date anyone with a few extra pounds when she isn't exactly Kathy Ireland. To each their own I guess. Moving on.

Profile #4

Holy shit! Its Brooke "Southern Brooke" Lawson! Shit, I wish. Apparently, this is a fairly WELL KNOWN scammer using Southern Brooke.

http://www.romancescam.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=35472&p=186033

How did I know this was a "pr0n" star? Well, um, "Ur", err... lets just call it a hunch? At any rate, there is also a site called "tineye" that allows you to post a link or a downloaded picture and find any instance that pic is on the internet. It is not foolproof, but it is just a small way of protecting yourself. So enough porno dreams. Southern Brooke is NOT going to let your fat nasty ass (or mine) go southern on her brook.

POF gets a lot of derision. Plenty Of Fakes, Plenty Of Frauds, Plenty Of Fools, Plenty Of Fuckoffs, etc. Let this site be a warning. Be sure of what you are getting yourself into.

Next, do women prefer douchebag men? Find out in the Stanford Dating Experiment!

-- Angry POF Guy.

You get what you pay for! An introduction to the Angry POF blog

A well used axiom states, "The best things in life are free." Of course, there is also another well-known saying – "You get what you pay for." In discussing the free online dating service "Plenty Of Fish," you certainly get what you pay for.

The road to hell is paved with the best of intentions. The creation of a free online dating service was a good idea at some point in time. Granted, a growing number of features on POF are no longer free, and perhaps at some point, POF will be no different than all the other pay to play dating sites. But for now, POF remains free for at least some basic features.

Sometimes I wonder if POF is a front or some government data collection agency.  That first page full of information you should fill out should be a foreboding sign of things to come. POF asks for a lot of specific information – your height, weight, eye color, dating preferences, page, and so forth. But then the profiling becomes very intrusive.

 These days you were forced to endure a rather lengthy psychological profile. Are we looking for a date, or are we trying to obtain a security clearance? It . asks for your earnings. I'm amazed it doesn't ask for your W2 forms! There is actually a method to this madness. POF dictates whose profiles you see based upon their arbitrary criteria. Who are they to dictate to you whether you are a match to babygrl666? What, they don't think you'd make a cute couple because she's a "fashionista" and you are "blue collar"? Opposites attract! Maury Povich does an entire show on odd couples.

My favorite question is always "Which child were you?" . I am the youngest child of two dead parents. Gee, thanks POF for drudging up my miserable childhood and dead parents!  What will he ask next? Was I bullied as a kid? Did I smooch Suzy Q under the bleachers? Did I do chores around the house? This question should come with "Emo" costumes and black eyeshadow.

This next option sounds pretty mean -- "Would you date someone that has BBW or a few extra pounds selected as a body type?"  My first thought was Peter Griffin wearing a no fat chicks T-shirt ( for the record I do not discriminate, I like my women with a little meat on their bones).


Just for the record, I have seen similar remarks from
plus sized women at POF.

At some point, you actually get to describe yourself. POF Laves another condescending remark; "People will read both your profile  AND message when deciding if they should write back to you. If your profile is really lame it won't matter how good your message is." Thanks again, POF! Now, in addition to being paranoid about the FBI showing up at my door, I have to worry about having a "lame" profile.

 So what are the keys to creating a great profile? Damned if I know? POF offers suggestions:

If you want to be successful on POF, try this: 1. Talk about your hobbies.  2. Talk about your goals and aspirations 3. Talk about yourself and what makes you unique.  4. Describe your taste in music.

As you can imagine, there are a number of profiles which follow this description to a "T". Why describe your hobbies when you are going to do like the other 99.9% of POF'ers and post them in the interests section? Duh, could you describe what "baseball" and "video games" are? And a lotr of people cheat at this section. They either lie or type gibberish because they are not investing in the website. They just came to laugh at you like Nelson from the Simpsons. Ha-hah!

Recently, POF replaced the ambiguous "fish personality" section with a more mundane "describe yourself in a single word. I kind of miss that-- after all you'll have to endure all the fish puns in the headlines, as you'll see in horror. Instead you'll find that "describing yourself in one word" is akin to the Price is Right game "Hole in One... or Two." Assholes. many of the options are two words! It is a minor, semantic gripe. Since I'm a guy, I have seen plenty of women's profiles with "diva", "princess", "fashionista", and the most dreaded and overused pic of all, "hopeless romantic."

There is one great BIG issue that needs serious work at POF. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not anti-gay in any way. But there needs to be a separate designation for those who like to dress up in the attire of the opposite sex, or, to put it in the politically correct term, "Transgendered People." This would help avoid any necessary problems from getting your engine running only to discover that you were looking to test drive an automatic and instead grab a stick shift, if you catch my drift. I don't dislike gay people or transgendered people, I just prefer tacos to burritos. I'm not at POF to compare penis sizes!

While they're at it, can they fix the local search to exclude cities that require me to drive to a different time zone? If I live in Indianapolis, Cincinnati and Louisville are NOT local profiles.

 Be warned, you will soon see a number of ridiculous profiles. This is what my blog is about-- capping on the insanity that is "Plenty of Fish." More to come.