"Follow me, and I will make you fishers of women." Or not. Popping the POF cherry

Welcome to hell, dating fiends! In my last post, we discussed the humiliation of simply signing up for Plenty Of Fish.

So now the REAL fun begins. You can use the Search feature, which is more specific, or hit the "online" feature to see any lady (since I'm a guy I'll be speaking from the heterosexual male perspective) within I assume to be 50 miles of your zip code who is online at the time. My experience is the "chat" function works about as often as a "Hail Mary" pass so don't expect any miracles there.

Whichever poison you pick, you will at some point settle on viewing somebody's profile. Lets be honest here-- most of us are going to judge by looks. That includes you ladies, don't deny it! Well I look at the profiles. Why? Because no matter how hot a woman is, attitude is a deal breaker.

Well, without further ado, lets start viewing a few profiles.

Profile #1

Well I found  nice looking 31-year-old lady. She's a nice looking gal, and the first pic is what you first expect, a decent up-close face shot with a smile. Okay. So I click, and this is what I see....

Because nothing gets a guy going like pics of a girl poking out her booty and some random black guy that, at first glance, looks to be flipping you off, I just had to read more. You know you want to.

Now, if you like ghetto culture, more power to you. But I'm not a fan of it. And to be honest, I have more difficulty understanding "Street" than I do those outsourced tech support guys over the phone. I could use a little help from anyone who can translate this woman's profile:

Okay. Its a mix of street AND redneck! FUK ALL YALL... ERRRY LAST ONE A YALL!!!! What is "NEWAYZ"? Is that a new R&B group?

This begs the question. At what age should an adult stop talking this way? At 31, I feel this gal is pushing the limits. She may be a sweetheart in reality but I think I'll pass. I need to date someone I can understand. Moving on...

PROFILE #2

This is why I prefer the search mode to the Online/ Gallery mode. Headlines sometimes warn us of what is ahead. So what does this headline tell you?

I blocked out her face but trust me, there's a very attractive woman here. But that headline scares me. "Tired of being hurt." That may be true, and who likes being hurt? BUT, when I see I envision our first date will play like a Freudian counseling session. The only way you'll have her on the couch is if she's laying on it, exploring the pains of childhood while you take notes from a distant but antique wooden desk.

PROFILE #3

This one is a lot of fun. I'll just let the pics speak for themselves here. First off, I hate the use of the term "Ur."

This is Ur, dammit.

Ur is that place in Mesopotamia where father Abraham was allegedly born (modern day Iraq for those who care to know). Smart people don't use Ur to say "you are." Sorry, text talk and ghetto slang are pet peeves of mine.

So what does she really want, I wonder? Thought I'd ask.

Why people can't be honest on this site, I don't know. Why not just say it? And it seems a tad hypocritical to not date anyone with a few extra pounds when she isn't exactly Kathy Ireland. To each their own I guess. Moving on.

Profile #4

Holy shit! Its Brooke "Southern Brooke" Lawson! Shit, I wish. Apparently, this is a fairly WELL KNOWN scammer using Southern Brooke.

http://www.romancescam.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=35472&p=186033

How did I know this was a "pr0n" star? Well, um, "Ur", err... lets just call it a hunch? At any rate, there is also a site called "tineye" that allows you to post a link or a downloaded picture and find any instance that pic is on the internet. It is not foolproof, but it is just a small way of protecting yourself. So enough porno dreams. Southern Brooke is NOT going to let your fat nasty ass (or mine) go southern on her brook.

POF gets a lot of derision. Plenty Of Fakes, Plenty Of Frauds, Plenty Of Fools, Plenty Of Fuckoffs, etc. Let this site be a warning. Be sure of what you are getting yourself into.

Next, do women prefer douchebag men? Find out in the Stanford Dating Experiment!

-- Angry POF Guy.