My new and improved "official" POF profile

My new official Angry POF Guy profile. Not as detailed as the last, but maybe this one won't be eliminated by the POF profile Nazis.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=32130360

"I am a baggage toting drama king who is only going to date you to get back at the ex. Therefore you must be hotter than hell, or at least hotter than my ex. Being thin, blonde, and bouncy gets top billing.

If you want to get into my pants, you must have your own place-- not living in your momma's basement. You must have a car, and the nicer the better, so no Mickey D's wrappers and baby goo on the floor and seats. And it is imperative you have a J-O-B (Don't you love it when I am so condescending I feel the need to spell it letter by letter?); and not just a job, but a "career." if you want "bling," work for it, and if you think that sex is a fair trade for financial secutiry, you want the escort site, not POF.

I don't have a car so the burden falls upon you to drive me around. See my requirements above. I guess since I don't have a car this means I'm a fat lazy slob as opposed to being down on my luck because some beeyotch took me for a ride and cleaned out my account or my company downsized, which brings me to point number two, I don't have a job either. I don't need one because I think I look hot and if i show a little cleavage and flash a winning smile, I don't need to have either while expecting a member of the opposite sex to have one of their own.

Ladies, for the love of God, please stop messaging me for sex. I prefer the frigid and callous women who won't put out and love to play silly head games at POF. That's my kind of woman. Ooh, and it turns me on even more when you ladies lie about what you want. And I am more turned on when you take selfies of your bosoms and legs while demanding I don't drool like Homer Simpson staring at a stake.

Know what else I love? Women that refer to their pets as "fur babies" and pamper them like children. If you talk about your pets as if you gave birth to them, I can't help but to question your sexuality. You do realize bestiality is still a crime in most states, except maybe Kentucky.

Even more so, I love those of you who are so unimaginative you feel the need to use tired clichéd movie and song titled. I love sifting through the hundreds of "Must Love Dogs," "There's something 'bout a truck," and "Sleepless in _____" headlines, they are just so catchy and stand out among the thousands of other unimaginative women who do this who also select "hopeless romantic" as their personality. Hopeless? Try helpless.

So if you are as fake and as demanding as I am, HMU. If you don't know what that means, then introduc yourself to a search engine. God helps those who helps themselves."

Gripe for the day: Whoever works on the POF website needs a geography lesson

I decided to check my profile for the first time in weeks, and I have a minor complain (I know, stop the presses, right)?

Here's the deal-- if you don't use the "search" function to narrow your search, and pick one of those six random women at the top of every profile page, or that "online' function, you can get someone in a metropolitan are 100+ miles away.

I live in Cincinnati, Ohio (Chilitown USA, BTW), and I don't consider Columbus OH, Dayton OH, Louisville KY, Lexington KY, or Indianapolis IN "local." Let me put it to you this way-- if you don't even have a Skyline Chili or Gold Star Chili restaurant in your neighborhood, you are not "local" to me.

As you can imagine, I have had my moments where I finally see an intriguing profile, and I want to send a message. But wait! I need to pull out the Atlas (they still make those things) and find some town called "Xenia, Ohio." Or "Pikeville, Kentucky." Personally, I'd like to date someone from Intercourse, Pennsylvania, but instead I dated the woman from Hell, Michigan (well, if you're gonna get hitched you may as well go to Hell while you're at it).

Aside from getting a regional geography lesson, there is another small issue-- the fact we haven't had reasonable gas prices since the Clinton administration. Unless you can afford a hybrid, those gas prices become a factor in decision making. Forget love conquering all, Big Oil conquers love.

Maybe instead of "looking for sparks," you should be looking for someone combustible instead.

Bottom Line:

POF, fire your web designer.

If I have a house, a car, and a job I can date Justin Beiber!

Let me start off by saying the "Pixie" cut is an abomination before the Lord, and whoever created it deserves to spend time in each of the nine circles of Hell. Ladies, the Pixie cut is the female equivalent of the male Douchebag haircut, not to mention it makes you look like Justin Beiber.

One of these pics is Emma Watson, allegedly, and the other is Bieber.
Or maybe these are both Bieber pics.

Please ladies, RETIRE THE PIXIE CUT!!!!

So today, I found a profile on POF that was so bad, I just had to come here and cap on it:

There are three things inherently wrong with this profile. Number one-- BEIBER HAIR IN PINK! Need I say more?

Number two, This person is a HAIR STYLIST! What scares me even more is the thought that a hair stylst would think Pink Beiber Hair (tm) is hot.

Number three, while selecting she doesn't want a "serious relationship," (and we all know what "wants to date but nothing serious" means on POF, wink wink nudge nudge), it is mandatory you have a house, job, and car. There is a term that would describe this kind of behavior. Oh yes, GOLD DIGGER. (Well, maybe "hooker," but only if a guy has a Beiber fetish).

Well, I was wrong about the tattooed artsy types. I always thought they were anti-Capitalist, hippie lover types, but I was wrong. So guys, if you love the Bieber look and want a fling, do I have the gal for you!

Its my [pity] party and I'll cry if I want to...

I don't like being mean. Angry, yes, mean no. It just isn't my thing. But I am bitter. So I am goofing off on POF, looking at the pathetic profiles of women looking like... well, does anyone remember the Simpson's episode where Homer and Marge break up and Homer stays in the apartment building for divorced men, with all the wailing and gnashing of teeth (and I think a suicide?). I can't remember the exact episode, but I digress. The point is, despite women having it made on the site, as proven by my now infamous Angie POF Gal experiment, woman still complain in droves of their impotence at finding a hot guy online. Cry me a fucking river.

So here is a prime example. I have a hard time pitying her because she turned down a friend of mine for a date (because remember, men, nice guys finish last), and now we see her lamenting like her misfortune over not finding someone on POF. You can call it the angry, cynical personality talking here, but I believe that many women come to POF with expectations befitting of an Air Force slogan-- Aim High.

In the end, it is like walking down skid row seeing the same winos boozing it up and begging for change for years on end. I can leave POF (which I did because I found someone), come back (because the someone I found sucked and not in the pleasurable way), and see the SAME FUCKING PEOPLE. Then again, if I'm going back there it means I'm also a loser, so maybe I shouldn't take that thought any further, for ego's sake.

Ladies, lower your expectations.