Wants to see balls but no D

There are times when having decent grammar skills come in handy. You can't walk up to a CHIC because chic is a term for stylish fashion, not a person. A person can be chic but is not a chic. And if a guy asks to screw "he" on the spot he's obviously gay.

I like the old days of meeting women myself but what is the equivalent of "balls" for women-- ovaries? Mammaries?

Whatever the case, there are some guys who do whip out their "D"s to women. They usually end up in jail but the fact remains that yes, some guys do it.

It is a little "hard" to ask for balls but not D, because they are a "package" deal.

Groundhog Day

Does anyone remember the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day? It was a great movie. If you haven't seen it, then the plot is simple-- a man wakes up every day to the exact same day over and over again until he does everything right and he finally escapes the time loop.

I discovered POF back in 2010, so I have been going to that site off and one for an entire Presidential term. I have been coming to this blog to post random rants about POF for about a year now to blow off steam at my online frustrations. Like many of you, I start a new profile, keep it up a while, leave in frustration, and return after a few weeks or months and try again. I see mostly the same faces when I return. Every day, we sift through the same pretentious profiles full of "sweet" and "lovable" women who want men who are "secure" (READ: Rich), "generous" (READ: Who will support them financially) and someone not looking for a one night stand (of course, they hope to never have to put out at all, unless you have a lot of money, and even then, it is just enough to get you hooked, then they stop once they get a wedding ring).

Stupidity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result each time. I must be a fucking idiot. Y'all must be, too.

Yes, I went back to POF about a month ago and got rejected like the Miami Heat did in this year's NBA Finals (so much for those 7 rings, LeBron). What do I see? The same tired fucking people.

Profile #1 reads she is "New to Miami" (Not Miami FloriDUH, I mean that other Miami. In Ohio. Yes, there is a Miami in Ohio.) She is cute, although she looks like Snooki from Jersey Shore. I'm sure she's an OK gal in real life. But her profile is just the same as I saw it TWO years ago! How long is one "new" to anywhere?

Profile #2's tag line is "Amuse me." I honestly think this is what most women are there for. They want us to play the "jester" role. I spoke with this gal before and, without getting into too many details, she was in a bad relationship so she was just there to disappoint potential suitors. Well, after leaving POF for half a year and returning, she's still there, so apparently she has gotten addicted to disappointing men.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I see I am not the only one frustrated with POF. Check out these other articles I found:

http://www.thedatinggurus.com/review-of-plentyoffish-com-dating-service/

http://skyespitfire.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/the-truth-about-plenty-of-fish/

How many women on POF have these tendencies?

Translation, please!

I need a favor. Does anyone have a ghetto-to-English translator? If so, please decipher this shite. This is the epitome of bad grammar and spelling. This is the Alabama Crimson Tide dynasty of bad English.

This brings up an important question. At what age should be people quit talking like this?

Miss High Maintenance

If there is one kind of profile I cannot stand, it is the "princess" types. Demands to be spoiled, high maintenance, that sort of thing. I think the more appropriate would be "gold digger," since high maintenance and spoiled usually means "buy me stuff."

Okay, lets be honest, if you are on POF it is generally because you don't have a lot of money, and POF is free for the most part. So why are so many WOMEN expecting a man with "their shit together" in such a bad economy? If you're looking for a "one percenter," you're on the wrong website.

Here is a prime example, from a profile in my local area:

First off, the reason so many people in their 30s are "broke, no job, no car" is because we have a crappy economy. Lady, you live in a metropolitan area consistently ranked as one of the 10 poorest cities in America.

Second-- FOUR kids? Not just kids at that, "bratty ass kids!" That world doesn't have room for a man. Who wants a ready-made family? Not me.

Third, high-maintenance and want to be treated like a princess." As I already stated, it screams "gold digger."

On the up side, she's "independent." She doesn't really NEED a man. That's a relief.

I beg to differ on her opinion of herself as an "amazing" girl. But see, you women think you can write this shit, sound like a total bitch, and guys are going to eat it up because you're a thin blonde bimbo. But she got knocked up four times so apparently men find her hot enough, I guess. She's definitely not for me.

Here is the thing. Many men won't date women with kids. I don't blame them. America is a liability minded culture, and kids are a liability. To use the cliché, kids bring lots of "drama." Babby daddy drama, junior gets sick at school, and kids get attached to people way too quickly, so if you're not trying hard to be a heartless bastard, you grow an attachment to them as well. Of course, in the back of everyone's mind is the false allegation thing, and no one wants that kind of drama. Kid free is the way to be. It sounds mean but it is true.

Good lucking finding a rich man, princess. Your handsome prince isn't on POF.

My new and improved "official" POF profile

My new official Angry POF Guy profile. Not as detailed as the last, but maybe this one won't be eliminated by the POF profile Nazis.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=32130360

"I am a baggage toting drama king who is only going to date you to get back at the ex. Therefore you must be hotter than hell, or at least hotter than my ex. Being thin, blonde, and bouncy gets top billing.

If you want to get into my pants, you must have your own place-- not living in your momma's basement. You must have a car, and the nicer the better, so no Mickey D's wrappers and baby goo on the floor and seats. And it is imperative you have a J-O-B (Don't you love it when I am so condescending I feel the need to spell it letter by letter?); and not just a job, but a "career." if you want "bling," work for it, and if you think that sex is a fair trade for financial secutiry, you want the escort site, not POF.

I don't have a car so the burden falls upon you to drive me around. See my requirements above. I guess since I don't have a car this means I'm a fat lazy slob as opposed to being down on my luck because some beeyotch took me for a ride and cleaned out my account or my company downsized, which brings me to point number two, I don't have a job either. I don't need one because I think I look hot and if i show a little cleavage and flash a winning smile, I don't need to have either while expecting a member of the opposite sex to have one of their own.

Ladies, for the love of God, please stop messaging me for sex. I prefer the frigid and callous women who won't put out and love to play silly head games at POF. That's my kind of woman. Ooh, and it turns me on even more when you ladies lie about what you want. And I am more turned on when you take selfies of your bosoms and legs while demanding I don't drool like Homer Simpson staring at a stake.

Know what else I love? Women that refer to their pets as "fur babies" and pamper them like children. If you talk about your pets as if you gave birth to them, I can't help but to question your sexuality. You do realize bestiality is still a crime in most states, except maybe Kentucky.

Even more so, I love those of you who are so unimaginative you feel the need to use tired clichéd movie and song titled. I love sifting through the hundreds of "Must Love Dogs," "There's something 'bout a truck," and "Sleepless in _____" headlines, they are just so catchy and stand out among the thousands of other unimaginative women who do this who also select "hopeless romantic" as their personality. Hopeless? Try helpless.

So if you are as fake and as demanding as I am, HMU. If you don't know what that means, then introduc yourself to a search engine. God helps those who helps themselves."

If I have a house, a car, and a job I can date Justin Beiber!

Let me start off by saying the "Pixie" cut is an abomination before the Lord, and whoever created it deserves to spend time in each of the nine circles of Hell. Ladies, the Pixie cut is the female equivalent of the male Douchebag haircut, not to mention it makes you look like Justin Beiber.

One of these pics is Emma Watson, allegedly, and the other is Bieber.
Or maybe these are both Bieber pics.

Please ladies, RETIRE THE PIXIE CUT!!!!

So today, I found a profile on POF that was so bad, I just had to come here and cap on it:

There are three things inherently wrong with this profile. Number one-- BEIBER HAIR IN PINK! Need I say more?

Number two, This person is a HAIR STYLIST! What scares me even more is the thought that a hair stylst would think Pink Beiber Hair (tm) is hot.

Number three, while selecting she doesn't want a "serious relationship," (and we all know what "wants to date but nothing serious" means on POF, wink wink nudge nudge), it is mandatory you have a house, job, and car. There is a term that would describe this kind of behavior. Oh yes, GOLD DIGGER. (Well, maybe "hooker," but only if a guy has a Beiber fetish).

Well, I was wrong about the tattooed artsy types. I always thought they were anti-Capitalist, hippie lover types, but I was wrong. So guys, if you love the Bieber look and want a fling, do I have the gal for you!

Its my [pity] party and I'll cry if I want to...

I don't like being mean. Angry, yes, mean no. It just isn't my thing. But I am bitter. So I am goofing off on POF, looking at the pathetic profiles of women looking like... well, does anyone remember the Simpson's episode where Homer and Marge break up and Homer stays in the apartment building for divorced men, with all the wailing and gnashing of teeth (and I think a suicide?). I can't remember the exact episode, but I digress. The point is, despite women having it made on the site, as proven by my now infamous Angie POF Gal experiment, woman still complain in droves of their impotence at finding a hot guy online. Cry me a fucking river.

So here is a prime example. I have a hard time pitying her because she turned down a friend of mine for a date (because remember, men, nice guys finish last), and now we see her lamenting like her misfortune over not finding someone on POF. You can call it the angry, cynical personality talking here, but I believe that many women come to POF with expectations befitting of an Air Force slogan-- Aim High.

In the end, it is like walking down skid row seeing the same winos boozing it up and begging for change for years on end. I can leave POF (which I did because I found someone), come back (because the someone I found sucked and not in the pleasurable way), and see the SAME FUCKING PEOPLE. Then again, if I'm going back there it means I'm also a loser, so maybe I shouldn't take that thought any further, for ego's sake.

Ladies, lower your expectations.